‘The Five’ on defund police movement, Wuhan lab leak theory, coronavirus restrictions lifted

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This is a rush transcript from “The Five,” May 28, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.¬†

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everybody. I’m Dagen McDowell along
with Greg Gutfeld, Jessica Tarlov, Dan Bongino, and Gillian Turner. It’s
five o’clock in New York City, and this is The Five.

A major development on the Wuhan COVID lab leak investigation. The official
who led the probe that President Biden then shut down says his team found
almost nothing to suggest a virus occurred naturally.


that despite the claims of our scientific community including the National
Institutes of Health and Dr. Fauci, NIAID organization, that there was
almost no evidence that supported a natural zoonotic, you know, evolution
or source of COVID-19. The data disproportionately stacked up as we
investigated that it was coming out of the lab for some supernatural


MCDOWELL: And House lawmakers are preparing to introduce two new bills
aimed at China today. One establishing a commission investigating the
origins of the pandemic, the other allowing Americans who lost loved ones
to sue Beijing. Republicans are pressuring President Biden to hold China


SEN. TED CRUZ (R-TX): The evidence I think strongly suggests that this
virus escaped from one of the two institutes of virology in Wuhan, China.

SEN. TOM COTTON (R-AK): What matters most to me is that the American people
are getting answers. The Chinese government responsible for unleashing the
worst pandemic in a century on the world.

REP. KEVIN MCCARTHY (R-CA): We need to hold China accountable instead of
rewarding them and they need to be held accountable financially for what
they have done to the world.


MCDOWELL: Dan Bongino, to you first, Senator Tom Cotton who we just showed
was talking about that virology lab and Wuhan in January of last year.

DAN BONGINO, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes. Listen, I don’t want to hear another peep
from a liberal or a talking head media buffoon ever again about a
conspiracy theory. OK? They never produced evidence about any of this
stuff. You had the P.P. hoax remember that with the collusion thing, there
was no evidence of that either but that became an international scandal.

There was no evidence that this thing ever came from a bat or a pangolin or
whatever, we still haven’t produced the animal. It’s amazing how we have a
worldwide pandemic and don’t have one single sample from a bat or pangolin
or others.

Now what’s even more infuriating about this is anyone with common sense who
is outside the liberal media ecosystem would’ve seen from the start that
this was probably a lab leak.

Let’s walk through some basic facts, folks, in case you misread and you
were reading The New York Times. We had a lab and Wuhan where the pandemic
originated that studied back coronaviruses where a coronavirus got out and
they study gain of function experiments to make them more powerful and the
lab had security problems in the past? Must be natural. That’s what
liberals came to the conclusion.

This has got to be one of the most infuriating stories in modern history
and it’s all the media’s fault. One more quick thing on this, what was
incredible about it is when the Chinese government put out propaganda,
don’t you dare say that this was a lab leak. Someone ate bat soup and then
people commented about people eat bat soup everybody was called a racist
for even commenting on bat soup for a story that was obviously Chinese
propaganda. This is an infuriating mess. The media should just wrap up shop
and go home.

MCDOWELL: Well that’s part of a problem that Dan just pointed out, Gillian,
is that all the people who wouldn’t even allow where there is media talking
heads or Nancy Pelosi calling it, remember the Trump virus, you weren’t
allowed to talk about something that was logical, that they’d shut you

GILLIAN TURNER, FOX NEWS HOST: I don’t think the problem here is so much a
liberal versus a conservative divide in America. I think the problem here
is willingness to hold, again, to hold China’s feet to the fire and hold
the government responsible for this.

I will say the reporting from David Asher, that sound bite from the former
State Department official you played a moment ago matches up precisely with
what an intelligence community official told me yesterday which is it the
skeptics of the natural theory here have remain skeptical because there has
yet to be proven any evidence of that initial animal to human transition,
they say that a year and a half now into the pandemic, a year and a half
from when that initial case would’ve emerged, it’s very unusual that they
have not identified specific case at this point.

SARS 1, SARS 2, it all happen within a matter of months that they were able
to identify the initial case. So, the fact that we don’t have that here is
very telling.

Another quick point here, the World Health Organization who the U.S. has
been relying on to investigate and gather underlying data just provides its
own estimate this week. It’s not getting a lot of attention in the press
for some reason. They have been telling us for the last six months that
they believe 3.4 million people have died the world over from COVID.

This week they said it’s likely two to three times that amount of people.
So, we’re now looking at seven to 11 million people dead around the world,
the question is now, how do you even — that’s double the Holocaust. How do
you hold — how do you even think about holding the Chinese government
responsible for that?

MCDOWELL: Well, you can’t rely on the World Health Organization because
they’ve lied on behalf from day one for communist China, number one. Number
two, the team that went in from the World Health Organization that went in
to investigate the virus, their conclusion was that the virus was imported
in frozen food into China, that that was a more likely conclusion than the
lab leak and that came out just a couple of months ago.

Jessica, I want you to listen to this Zeke Emanuel dismissing the
importance of investigating China. Take a listen to this.


issue is not how did this happened. The real is how do we protect ourselves
from the next pandemic and how do we have kind of early warning system.


MCDOWELL: The real issue is not how did this happen. Actually, that is the
very issue because how do you prevent one unless you figured out what went
wrong in the first place in China?

JESSICA TARLOV, FOX NEWS HOST: I absolutely agree with that. And think most
liberals, even the ones that Dan was talking about would disagree with Zeke
Emanuel on this one and say that we need to know the origins and that’s why
President Biden is now backing a thorough investigation and kind of taking
things out of the hands of the WHO and saying we need to look into this
further ourselves, there will be bipartisan agreement for that.

I think the two new set of sanctions are bills that would punish the
Chinese are also going to be welcome, certainly the figures that Gillian is
talking about from the new report are true and I see no reason to believe
that they aren’t considering how COVID works with pre-existing conditions
that we have lost that many people. They need to be held accountable for

But there is one element that we haven’t discussed yet that I think is
important to why people were so averse to going with the lab leak theory,
is that it was also being tied to frankly a lot of things that sounded
pretty racist. We know that the attacks against eight — I heard you grown
there, Dan, but it’s true.

BONGINO: Please.

TARLOV: So, let’s talk about —


BONGINO: Please with the nonsense. This is just so stupid. This is dumb.

TARLOV: It’s only the a-block, Dan.

BONGINO: This is dumb.

TARLOV: Just give me a chance, the first block.

BONGINO: No, it’s dumb. It’s just dumb.

TARLOV: It’s not dumb, Dan.

BONGINO: Yes, it is dumb.

TARLOV: Not dumb.

BONGINO: No one is racist. They want to make sure they don’t die —

TARLOV; Really?

BONGINO: — from a corona, it’s just stupid.

TARLOV: OK, Wuhan virus, kung flu, people, Asian reporters being called
kung flue, those things are racist. The rise in attacks against members of
the AAPI community, that is also racist. People just beating people
indiscriminately on the street because they are Asian —


TARLOV: — during the pandemic where the president of the United States of
America is saying China, China, China about it is racist. There’s a way to
talk about the lab —

BONGINO: Not true.

TARLOV: Dan, I didn’t cut you off and I really disagree with what you are


MCDOWELL: Jessica, I want to get — I want — you made your point, I want
to get Greg in here, though. Wuhan plague, go.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: The reason why we didn’t hold China
accountable, we, being major institutions is because it wasn’t Trump. So,
it was a political decision. If you actually legitimately blame the people
responsible then you couldn’t blame the person you hate most.

Even if — and I disagree with Jessica completely on this, even if we found
those terms racist, that does not excuse your dereliction of journalistic
duty. You’re supposed to pursue a story whether this story is surrounded by
— if the story is real and it’s plausible and this one is plausible, they
all come as race, the simplest explanation, if you are in a small town and
an explosion goes off, maybe check the bomb factory, don’t go to the ice
cream parlor and that’s what this is.

I learned my lesson that if I want to start a pandemic, I’m going —
through my lab, I’m going to open my lab next to a wet market because
apparently, that’s plausible deniability. And by the way, wet markets are
getting a bad rap, all the wet market is as a farmers’ market with a few
extra exotic animals, it’s called wet because they hosed down the floor
just like the bars that Gillian hangs out in D.C. The thing is —


TURNER: Even in eight months pregnant, so no bars.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s disgusting how you (Inaudible). And last the Zeke ting
bothers — that’s not the last thing. A second to the last thing. The Zeke
thing he doesn’t mind because he is going to be dead soon. Don’t you
remember him? The king of euthanasia he’s saying, you know, I don’t want to
live that long. Do you remember? He is that guy. So, it’s like he doesn’t
really care.

Lastly, and I will shut up. Do you remember the Time article about how all
our major institutions, the media, the chamber of commerce, the tech
giants, they all work together to unseat Trump and they even bragged about
it? They called it, you know, an in the dark type conspiracy.

This is now a reoccurring trend and it’s showing up in so many places that
a coalition of powerful forces when they decide to manipulate an outcome
they’ll do it, so they did it with the Russian collusion thing, they did it
with Hunter Biden, those are tech giants and the press. They did it with
voter fraud, that we — if you say — if you mention voter fraud on YouTube
or Twitter, just see how quickly that story disappears. OK?

So right — right now, we are seeing this happen with this story and we’re
seeing the outcome of it which is possibly many more people died because a
bunch of people got together and they decided that this was a bad idea
because of one word, Trump was right and you couldn’t admit it. It has
nothing to do with racism, it’s just — it’s sad and even on top of that,
the impeachment circus as the pandemic spread assisted China and the virus.
And that’s not racist either.

TURNER: Well, actually, Greg, it wasn’t even just Trump because his
nonpolitical appointees, his own intel people who were not appointed by him
were telling Fox News and others the same thing a year ago. So, you don’t
even — you know what I mean.


TURNER: It was not only Trump’s people that were saying this a year and a
half ago.

GUTFELD: But he was the one that — he was the one that mattered, right?

TURNER: Right.


MCDOWELL: He was the one that mattered and he said it was the incompetence
of China and nothing else that did this mass worldwide killing and he said
that in May 2020, but it was the Trump virus, right, not the Wuhan virus,
not the virus out of China that killed more than three and a half million
people around the globe, lab, lab, lab.

Up next, defunding the police isn’t enough. Some on the left now want to
disarm the cops all while crime surges.


TURNER: So, cities across the country are seeing a major spike in violent
crime now. A scary scene earlier this week in New York City, so a shoot-out
in the middle of the street during broad daylight, thankfully no one
blessedly was hurt. While cities are pushing to defund the police
nationwide, Slate has a new piece out that suggest cops should be forced to
keep their guns in smart lockboxes, whatever that is, and need permission
to take them out.

All right, Dan, I’m going to come to you first since you are former law
enforcement. If you read this Slate article, essentially the argument that
the author is trying to make here is that police have loaded handguns
accessible, you know, on their person during all kinds of incidents even if
they are like responding to a traffic incident, a car stalled at an
intersection or a cat stuck in a tree. So, this is why they don’t need
armed weapons with them except for some of the time. Also, if you could
tell us what a smart lockbox is, that would be great. I don’t know what
that means.

BONGINO: Yes. Well, this article should be written about how we don’t need
the media, not how the police don’t need firearms because of all the dumb
ideas I think I’ve ever heard from the liberal media, defund the police and
have police carry their firearm in smart lockboxes where you use your
fingerprints to open it —


BONGINO: — is probably the — yes, that’s probably the dumbest. And I
mean, think about it, you just kind of set it in the open without knowing.
They said, the author said don’t worry, it’s just a traffic stop, who needs
a gun? Really? How do you know that? Because I can show you 50 or 100
videos in under five minutes pulled off any video platform of police
officers who thought they were pulling someone over for a traffic ticket
and ended up in a coffin.


BONGINO: So, I think the writer from Slate maybe dial it back a little bit
and start doing some journalism homework before you keep insisting police
do things that will get them killed.

TURNER: Greg, I’m coming to you next because you’ve heard a lot of dumb
ideas in your lifetime.


TURNER: Dan says this rank is maybe the dumbest he’s ever heard, what is it
ring for you?

GUTFELD: It’s pretty stupid but it’s coming from Slate so it’s dumb as a
rock, ladies and gentlemen. We are legitimately —

BONGINO: See what you did there.

GUTFELD: Wasn’t that clever? And it’s Friday, and I’m not even drunk yet.
We are legitimately in the 1970s when I was looking at that video, the
crime is rivaling death wish and its randomness. By the way the Asian hate
crime in New York is overwhelmingly done by a nonwhite, mentally ill
homeless people, has nothing to do with Wuhan. But we got gas prices that
are going through the roof, we got Jimmy Carter part two, we got crime. All
I want is a three’s company reboot and some Mr. Pibb and I’ll be right at

There was this old line that we used to hear that a conservative is a
liberal mugged by reality. Now today’s liberal is doing the mugging and I’m
not talking about good traditional liberals. I’m talking about these young
defund the police types that have no idea the science of incentives and

The past two years have been a lesson in disincentives and incentives. If
you make it impossible for cops to do their jobs, then they can’t. That
emboldens criminals. If you release criminals before the cops are done with
their paperwork, that emboldens criminals. If you only focus on law-abiding
gun owners, not the illegal handguns that are being used, you embolden

All of these ideas are coming from places like Slate and from academia. So
if we listen to them this will only get worse, the long-term consequences
of all this will be withdrawal of public law enforcement, the rise in
private security that can only be afforded by the wealthy, the cities will
get worse, people will leave, America will become much more spread out,
perhaps safer but that’s what’s going to happen.

And the people that are going to hurt — be hurt are the older people still
stuck in the cities because they can’t afford to leave, they are the ones
that will be victims like the elderly Asians that you see every week, it’s
not a mistake that they are older because they can’t get out.

TURNER: Jessica, there does seem to be some early inklings of buyer’s
remorse among some of the Democratic city council members in cities that
have defunded the police this year. I’m talking New York this week,
Minneapolis, some of them saying maybe we need to get some of the funding
moved back into the police department. What, I mean, these are your people?
Give us a breakdown.

TARLOV: Well, some of those people are not my people.


TURNER: Or Democrats. Democrats.

TARLOV: Yes. We are — we are all Democrats, but I’ve been pretty
consistent about this since day one when I heard the chant of defund the
police that it was a terrible, terrible, terrible idea and people who are
going to be hurt most by that were people of color in communities that
actually have the highest level of approval for law enforcement and police.
And that’s only — Greg, I’m glad that we’re friends again now though I
have something to say about the Wuhan thing.

GUTFELD: You’ll be wrong, but it’s OK.

TARLOV: No, I’ll be right on the police front. I mean, Whip Clyburn, I
don’t know when the man doesn’t get it right, but he certainly did after
the 2020 — 2020, right, midterms when he said that the chant of defund the
police cost Democrats seats. Abigail Spanberger talked about that as well.

And it’s really interesting to see here in New York City what’s going on
with the mayoral race because Eric Adams who was Black and is a former
police officer has now taken the lead in some polls, in one poll he’s
behind Kathryn Garcia, but he surpassed Andrew Yang talking about being
tough on crime but also supporting law enforcement.

And I’m sure there will be a cornerstone of Val Demings’ campaign against
Marco Rubio for Senate in Florida as she was the first Black female police
chief in Orlando. That’s where we need to be. We need to be tough on crime,
we need to be for smart reforms that everybody agrees we need to make,
hopefully we can get something done with Tim Scott —


TARLOV: — who seems ready to deal there but defund the police it was a
nonstarter and only 18 percent of Americans are supportive of it.

TURNER: Dagen, I obviously save the best for last so the floor is yours.


GUTFELD: Sexist.

MCDOWELL: You know how — you bet, hot stuff. Do you know how bad it is for
the Democrats that you have somebody like James Carville, now who is past
its sell by day but is still smart writing in The Wall Street Journal
saying that it is the Democrats who are tough on crime, they are the party
of law and order.

He wrote this this week. Donald Trump’s stunning display of lawlessness
sudden example for criminals to crawl out of the shadows and believed that
they would never be brought to justice. He literally is blaming a crime
wave. When Donald Trump called the rioters – rioters, who sit in federal in
several authorities into Portland to at least protect federal buildings
with not one Democrat until the poll numbers turned against them would say,
hey, violence and the burning of cities and the looting of businesses is a
bad thing.

This is desperation is the worst cologne and I can smell James Carville
from here. He is throwing anything he can against the wall trying to change
the narrative. The fact is, it is not just the defunding of police, it is
bail reform. You hit an elderly Asian woman in the face, you get out on
with no bail. They are weak mayors, they are weak governors releasing cop
killers, parole boards are filled with liberals and then there are weak
district attorneys who would rather like coddle and swaddle criminals that
stand up for victims of violent crime. That’s the party of law and order.

TURNER: All right. We have to leave it there, but stick with us because
coming up next, we are going to talk about how Americans are feistier and
rowdier than ever. A lot of folks going berserk on flights in the air and
in stands on the ground. We’re going to get a psychological analysis from
Greg, coming up next.


TARLOV: America is bouncing back from the pandemic and it seems like people
are misbehaving more than ever before. New video shows a woman attacking a
Southwest flight attendant who apparently had two teeth knocked out. That
passenger is now permanently banned from Southwest. And fans back at games
are rowdier than ever.

NBA star Russell Westbrook had popcorn thrown at him while being held off
the court after getting injured. Charles Barkley has a crazy idea on how to
solve that issue.


CHARLES BARKLEY, FORMER NBA PLAYER: I think you should be able to go up in
the stands and beat the (muted) out of 1 person per game. You don’t think
that guy didn’t deserve to get his (muted) beat right at center court. If a
fan says something really, really rude or throws something on you, you
should be able to say, come on down, like Chuck Woolery used to say. Bring
them right down to half-court and you all settle it like men.


TARLOV: I don’t know about anyone else. But I have been watching the NBA on
TNT, you guys, every night. So, I can’t get enough Charles Barkley. But
Gillian, I wanted to start first with the Southwest plane incident. So,
this is about mask-wearing which is going to be a contentious issue moving
forward. Certainly, CDC has relaxed the rules for not being on public
transport. How do you see this playing out?

TURNER: Not in any good way that I want to part of or should be a part of.
That debate is going to rage on, I think, probably for another year. I want
to say, Jessica, it’s not just like the agitation, and the irritation and
violence that’s breaking out. I read this great article in Vanity Fair. I
can’t read the title because it has profane language in it.

But the other point they’re making is that there’s all this like sexual
angst in the country and millions of Americans, maybe tens of millions are
now part of couples that have divorced during the pandemic. And they’re now
getting ready to call — to celebrate what they call the hot back summer.
And part of it is they’re all heading to nude beaches, they’re all looking
for hot hookups. They’re getting drunk all the time. So, there’s like just
a lot of like, weird Juju in the air.

TARLOV: Totally. I read a story that had vaxxed and waxed in the write-up.

TURNER: Greg is intrigued. He’s thinking about it.

GUTFELD: No, it sounds like — it sounds like a typical vacation for you,
Gillian. What are you talking about?

TARLOV: All right, Dan, I wanted to go to you on the Russell Westbrook
popcorn throwing incident. Do you think fans — that fan by the way has
been permanently banned from the arena. Do you think fans are going to
settle down anytime soon?

BONGINO: I just want to say, I’m not buying the whole premise of this
segment. I am just — as a matter of fact, I strenuously object from a few
good men. People are not crazier now. Jessica, I’m sorry.

When I grew up, my brother and I took the mattress out of our house. We put
it on two skateboards and rolled it down a hill into an active
intersection. Then we put in a ditch in the backyard and wanting to see if
we could jump off the garage and live if we landed on the mattress. The
problem now is to that people are recording it.

TURNER: And look how you turned out.

BONGINO: Well, some would debate that, I’m sure at some point. But now
people got their phones and they’re recording it and it just seems like
we’re all crazier. I dispute the entire premise of this segment. I don’t
believe it.

TARLOV: OK, well, I’m also thinking back to when you called me dumb in A-
block. I never did anything like that.

BONGINO: I didn’t say you were dumb. I said the idea was dumb. There you
go. And it still is.

TARLOV: All right, Dan. Dagen, Charles Barkley, right or wrong.

BARKLEY: I like a good fight. I don’t know. Somebody is going to get sued
and it’s going to be the fellow with all the money, meaning, one of the
basketball players. I totally agree with Dan. We’re talking about all this
violence and this fighting. America is back.

And by the way, Russell Westbrook got some popcorn thrown at him in
Philadelphia. This is Philly light popcorn. I’m surprised it’s not like God
knows what. I mean, they booed Santa Claus for Pete’s sake.

TARLOV: All right, Greg, take us home. Masks, basketball, any of it.

GUTFELD: Well, I think — I think the popcorn was egregious because it was
— it was buttered, so there was a lot of saturated fat. I think this — I
think there’s this article — I think Dan is correct. We are now all
content providers for the media, right, where 20o — 350 million people
with 200 million phones. And the most — the most visual stuff is this

So, we’re we put it out there. It’s fun to talk about it. The streaker was
amazing. What an amazing story the streaker who crawled into the tube. But
Charles Barkley is somebody who understands incentives. If it’s suddenly OK
for an athlete 300 pound, you know, statue of muscle to beat up a fan, it’s
going to be amazing how quickly the fan stop throwing stuff.

And the fact that the guy lost his season tickets, he got punished more
than the people beating up Asians in New York.

TARLOV: That is certainly a hot take that I’m going to leave behind now
because the “FASTEST SEVEN” is up next.


BONGINO: Welcome back. Time for THE FASTEST. First up, as we await a huge
government report on UFOs, we’re getting even more video, some really
strange and unexplained stuff. U.S. Navy sailors aboard the USS Omaha in
July 2019 reacting in shock as they get swarmed by 14 UFOs on radar.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 138 knots. Holy (BLEEP) They’re going fast. Oh, it’s
turning around.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That one is pretty much perfectly zero, zero, zero
relative, right?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: 263 at three miles, 55 knots, speed.


BONGINO: So, Gillian, how is this not a bigger story that we may have a UFO
report coming? I’m just curious. Am I missing something?

TURNER: No. I mean, I think it should be — well, maybe it’ll be huge. The
report is going to come out in a couple of weeks. Maybe it’ll pick up some
steam. But I don’t — it seems to me like they should be front page news
everywhere. I will also tell you, Dan, something interesting I learned from
covering this the last couple of weeks.

I interviewed Jeremy Corbell who this video come from. I interviewed
Senator Ted Cruz. They’re both saying what worries them most is not that
these are UFO or these UFOs are controlled by alien life forces. They worry
that they’re actually controlled by America’s adversaries. And they think
that the technology they’ve developed is like so far advanced that we can’t
even recognize it. So, it’s pretty terrifying no matter how you look at it.

BONGINO: Yes, Greg, this kind of sounds like, you know, Ron Burgundy. Like,
the kind of a big deal now this UFO thing.

GUTFELD: Well according to Slate, these are — those who are bats from a
wet market. Look, I’m going to be — I’m going to use an analogy that maybe
only Dan and I will understand. These UFO videos that we keep seeing, they
remind me of those mildly titillating late-night movies on Skinemax. You
think you might see something, and then you watch it, and then you go —

BONGINO: I never see them.

GUTFELD: Those are just birds. They’re birds. Maybe they’re — I don’t know
what they are. But —

TURNER: Flies on the lenses.


TURNER: Flies on the lenses.

GUTFELD: Flies on the lenses. That’s — isn’t that an acoustic album by Bob
Dylan? Flies on the lens.

BONGINO: Jessica, please dive in.

TARLOV: I actually am just enjoying this time. Well, this time, this hour
has been great. But this time, where it seems like everybody just now kind
of accepts that UFOs are real, because I felt like a real outlier
conspiracy theory when I was growing up. And now I feel like the evidence
keeps mounting and it seems like a lot in the last six months and people
are pretty chill about it, which I see as a positive.

BONGINO: Dagen, they set this up for some huge bombshell next week. They’re
all owing us to sleep.

MCDOWELL: If — and by the way, Greg, I get the Skinemax thing. I’ve done a
lot of freeze-framing in my time. I wish Donald Trump was still in office
because if they told him the real truth, you know he would have blabbed to
the entire country. If they want to let him, he would have opened up area
51 as like an amusement park for a revenue raiser. So, I kind of wish he
was still there. We can get the truth.

BONGINO: All right, next up, half of Americans say they hide their favorite
snacks from family members. I’ll go back to you, Dagen. I don’t know about
you, but I have to — my kids hide their snacks for me, not the other way
around, because I’ll eat anything.

MCDOWELL: Who had snacks leftover to like hide? As soon as I buy a box of
Twinkies, I walk and ate. They’re gone by the time I get home. Who has
stuff of junk food leftover to hide around the house?

BONGINO: Greg, are they hiding food from you too.

GUTFELD: You know, the golden rule is you never want to be too clever when
you’re hiding something because then you forget where you put it, which is
always been a problem for me when I’m hiding my completely legally obtained
edibles that I’m experimented with.

The best way — the best way to hide snacks are in coat pockets of a jacket
in the closet, right? And you pick a jacket that people don’t normally
wear. I mean, it doesn’t have to be snacks. It could be, you know, a vaping
pen or perhaps TK chocolate 400 milligrams. But that’s where you hide it
because you can always go into the closet, and it doesn’t look like you’re
trying to sneak something. You go, oh, I’m just going to get my sweater.
And then you never leave the closet.


TURNER: That’s a risky strategy.

GUTFELD: Yes, it is. It’s risky.

BONGINO: Any thoughts on Greg’s theory on where to hide the snacks?

TARLOV: It’s just incredibly specific for someone who doesn’t know anything
about super illegal snacks they might be having. But this reminds me of —
in Sex in the City, Kerry talked about your secret single behavior that,
you know, even if you’ve been married forever, you still have those things
you want to do by yourself like eat a ton of Twinkies, watching Charles
Barkley commentate. So, that’s what my house looks like.

BONGINO: Gillian, closes us out here.

TURNER: I just — I wouldn’t go with the coat pocket because the real risk
there is it’s seasonal. You forget it’s in there, and then you’re going to
find the stuff months later. And it’s like that’s just a lose-lose.

GUTFELD: It doesn’t matter with the Twinkie.

BONGINO: Yes, it lasts forever.

TURNER: That’s if it’s still wrapped up. Yes, that’s fine.


BONGINO: Yes, that’s what they say. Folks, stay tuned. “FAN MAIL FRIDAY” is
coming up next.


GUTFELD: It’s “FAN MAIL FRIDAY.” We’re answering your questions. All right,
the first question is very, very, very interesting. It’s from
PatchInTheYard. What tasks do you enjoy that most people would find boring?
All right, Dagen.

MCDOWELL: Setting my bed, making the bed —

TURNER: Setting.

MCDOWELL: Making the bed or setting the bed every morning. I do it as soon
as I get my feet hit the ground and I am meticulous about it. And it’s
insane that I’m so retentive, but still making the bed.

GUTFELD: I love making the bed right before I walk home, of course.
Gillian, you’re answering for two now. What do you — what do you do that
most people find boring?

TURNER: I’d rather go to jail than make the bed. But weirdly, I enjoy
folding laundry. I find it very therapeutic.

GUTFELD: It is very therapeutic. It’s nice. And you get to flatten them and
you get them in a little square and —

TURNER: It’s just so good when you’re done. You’re like —

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. Jessica, what boring thing do you like to do?

TARLOV: I like color-coding my closet. So, the dresses — well, especially
on air dresses because we tend to wear a plain color so you can get like
all the shades really lined up.

GUTFELD: I’d like to invite you over.

TARLOV: I would love to come over.

TURNER: Color-coding.

TARLOV: Make your bed, fix your closet —

GUTFELD: Hey, take this after the show, you perverts. Dan, I don’t think
you do one boring thing in your life.

BONGINO: No, no, my whole life is boring. It’s all a facade. I never leave
my house. My studio is in my house. Folks, this is my house. I never lived
like a hermit. But I used to think — you know, I’m watching Bob Ross
videos. I love that. And a lot of people would think that was boring but it
turns out it’s not. Like, everybody loves Bob Ross and doesn’t think it’s
boring. God rest his soul.

I used — I loved it. It was the greatest thing ever. Happy little trees. I
need more happy little trees.

TURNER: He’s having a big comeback right now.


BONGINO: Huge, huge. I love him.

GUTFELD: What tasks for me, I would say what — that I do that people might
find boring is actually boring, drilling holes. I love drilling holes.

TURNER: For no reason.

GUTFELD: No, yes. It’s boring.

TURNER: That sounds destructive if there’s nothing — if you’re not fixing

TARLOV: To like hang paintings.

GUTFELD: I ran a hotel upstate so I drill a lot of holes.

BONGINO: Is that when you’re not hiding things in your closet?


BONGINO: Is that when you’re not hiding Twinkies in your closet?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Oh, this is good, from Ritch H. What was a Saturday
night like when you were 16? All right, Dan.

BONGINO: Oh, man. Am I allowed to say this on the air or am I going to get

TURNER: Probably — you’re probably going to get fired.

GUTFELD: No, do it.

BONGINO: OK, I won’t.

GUTFELD: You have like 16 jobs. You have 16 jobs.

BONGINO: I know. I do. It’s true.

TURNER: Don’t listen to Greg. He’ll stir you along every time.

BONGINO: That’s right. I’m only here because I want to be here. It’s good.
Good call, Greg.


BONGINO: But Greg, don’t you — was it Jesse who has ask for permission for
analogies? I’m asking for your — all right, let’s just — I used to — we
had — you know, we hang out in Central Park in Queens, not in Manhattan.
And you know, we may have had some things we shouldn’t have been drinking
at the time.

Don’t do it. The public service said do not do that. I’m not suggesting it
was good. But you asked the question. I’m answering.


BONGINO: And we’d be out very late sometimes. Sometimes really late, like
super late, like the next day would happen. And you’d be like, did the
night end already? That’s really weird. But that’s what we did.

GUTFELD: So, basically, all you’re doing was just out in the park walking
your dog. That sounds pretty normal to me.

BONGINO: Of course.

GUTFELD: There you go.

BONGINO: Yes. We’re drinking Evian water.

GUTFELD: Yes, Dagen?

MCDOWELL: I went to an all-girls school when I was — when I was 16. And it
was a boarding school, so I would be spending Saturday night making little
voodoo dolls out of pantyhose and cotton balls of the boys who had rebuffed
me the previous week, sticking pins in them alone.

TURNER: No one ever rebuffed you. Don’t lie.

MCDOWELL: Oh, a lot of them. I got a list, a long one.

GUTFELD: What about you, Gillian? What were you doing when you were 16 on
Saturday night?

TURNER: Well, I grew up in New York like Dan. So, I would hang out in
Central Park a lot and drink Evian water too. It was great.

BONGINO: Yes. All right, it’s great, isn’t it? You see? It’s cool. We share
something together.

TURNER: You’re the best.

GUTFELD: Jessica, try to make us sick to our stomach. Tell us something
horrible when you were doing you were 16?

TARLOV: Oh, well, I could make something up for the sake of the show. But I
don’t think anyone would believe me. I also grew up in New York. But I was
actually at home with my parents drinking the Evian. And it was real Evian.
It wasn’t anything like Dan had.

GUTFELD: My Saturday was — I think it was The Love Boat — no, Mary Tyler
Moore, Bob Newhart, and The Carol Burnett Show. That was the Saturday —
that was the greatest Saturday ever.

TURNER: It’s pretty good.

GUTFELD: Right? And then, there was Phyllis, and there was Rhoda. Remember


GUTFELD: Phyllis, Rhoda, Mary Tyler Moore, oh, geez, what a great time that

TURNER: But what is the difference between Phyllis and Rhoda? I don’t know.

GUTFELD: Oh, Rhoda was pretty high, Rhoda Morgenstern. “ONE MORE THING” is
up next. Phyllis was hot.


MCDOWELL: Time now for “ONE MORE THING.” Greg, go.

GUTFELD: You’re on tonight with me at 11:00, “THE GUTFELD SHOW” or just
“GUTFELD!” Let’s do this.


GUTFELD: Animals are great. Animals are great. Animals are great.


GUTFELD: You know what? I love lemurs. I had no idea there is actually a
different kind of lemur known as a dancing lemur. Check out this lemur.
It’s the greatest creature you have ever seen in your life. It’s called a
dancing lemur. This is at the Chester Zoo. And now there he’s pooping.
Don’t show the damn lemur pooping. This is a family hour. If you want to
see lemurs pooping, you go watch Don Lemon’s show. He has a whole thing of
lemurs pooping.

Anyway, beautiful — what a beautiful, beautiful animal. By the way, I
resent all of you for not laughing at my drilling joke.

TARLOV: I still don’t get it, I guess.

GUTFELD: Boring. That’s what you call drilling when you drill a hole. It’s
called boring.

TURNER: Oh, I get it.

GUTFELD: You people.

MCDOWELL: Actually, I thought you were talking about — never mind. I
really don’t want to get fired on Friday afternoon. Dan.

TURNER: Everybody is trying, though.

BONGINO: Yes, yes, really? It’s true, right? If you’re going to get fired,
definitely get fired on a Monday, not a Friday. I just want to announce and
I’m really honored to be again unexpanded part of the Fox family. My Fox
Nation show, which is a video simulcast of my national radio show, airs
every day, from 12:00 noon to 3:00 p.m. Easter day. Please check it out.

And a little known secret. They leave the camera on during the breaks which
I sometimes forget. So, I am not responsible for anything that happens on
the breaks if you are watching on Fox Nation. I just want to put that
disclaimer in there now. Thank you very much.

MCDOWELL: Thank you, Dan. So, my “ONE MORE THING.” Celebrate Memorial Day
with some Fox gear. Go to shop.foxnews.com. You can get 15 percent off on
all orders if you use the code Fox Patriot. Check out patriot T-shirt right
here. I got this cool mug, and then this Proud American hat. Wait, I got to
adjust it because my head is the size of Dan’s. There you go. Right.

TURNER: Look at you.

MCDOWELL: So, peace out. Get some — get some gear. Gillian.

TURNER: You look fabulous. You really look fabulous. All right, I want to
play this video for you all. It’s an awesome video of Arlington National
Cemetery on Thursday. This is an annual project that they do. It’s called
Flags-In. They got 1,000 active duty service members. They put American
flags in front of every single one of the 260,000 headstones.

It’s an awesome reminder that Memorial Day is not just about hot dogs, it
is also about reflecting on the Americans who have paid the ultimate price.
It’s a wonderful, beautiful reminder.

MCDOWELL: Jessica, real quick.

TARLOV: OK, really quickly. There are very few sporting events that could
distract me from the NBA Playoffs, as you know, but this absolutely
incredible base running by Chicago Cubs shortstop. Javier Baez got full
attention. They’re calling it wild. They’re calling it magic.
Congratulations¬†to Baez and great win. We’re out of time. Bye.

MCDOWELL: That’s it.

GUTFELD: They didn’t even show the best parts.


TARLOV: We’ll get — watch it. It’s so good.

MCDOWELL: All right, we’ll get a Memorial Day Special Monday. Have a great

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