‘The Five’ on critical race theory, celebrating 10 years

on Jul8
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This is a rush transcript from “The Five,” July 7, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

NEIL CAVUTO, FOX NEWS ANCHOR (on camera): All right. Eliza (Ph), thank you very much. And as we are going to surmise here it was the lack of and the apparent inability to find pockets at all in that rubble that had prompted this decision to say now it is a recovery operation, 46 known dead, 94 —

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST (on camera): Hello, everyone. I’m Dana Perino, along with Katie Pavlich, Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld. It’s five o’clock in New York City, and this is THE FIVE.

All right. it’s another big day of celebration, surprises and a lot of fun coming your way if you haven’t heard, THE FIVE turns ten this week. The show is amazing for so many reasons. We had many laughs, amid a lot of memories and we’re going to make a new one during a special feeding frenzy later in the show that I have been worried about literally since yesterday.

For 10 years, our home has been right here in the big apple, but have our fellow New Yorkers actually been paying attention? Jesse, suited up, and hit the streets to find out.



UNKNOWN: Courtney. Lindsay. Brandy.

UNKNOWN: She kind of look like Michelle Pfeiffer.

UNKNOWN: Excuse me. What time do we get into D.C.?

WATTERS: It’s Dana, it begins with P. Dana —

UNKNOWN: Dana Petrillo (Ph)?

UNKNOWN: Susan Sarandon.

UNKNOWN: Is that Dana Perino?

WATTERS: Yes. She works for George Bush.

UNKNOWN: I can’t remember.

PERINO: Get the f out.


UNKNOWN: Perino?

WATTERS: That’s right. Tell me about Dana.

UNKNOWN: She has a wonderful dog.

WATTERS: Woof, woof.

PERINO: Hey, Jasper, you want a treat?

UNKNOWN: I’m going to say that is Robert Downey Junior.

UNKNOWN: Hey, that’s Geraldo Rivera.


UNKNOWN: I can’t forget that mustache.

WATTERS: Geraldo is on the Apprentice.

UNKNOWN: Is he the host.

WATTERS: That’s Trump.

DONALD TRUMP, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: Geraldo, are you surprised that you’re here?


WATTERS: This guy has a late-night show. He has an exclamation point after his name.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Exclamation point.

UNKNOWN: I don’t think I’ve ever seen that gentleman before.

WATTERS: He is not a gentleman.

GUTFELD I hate these people.

UNKNOWN: Greg Gutfeld.

WATTERS: Excellent.

UNKNOWN: (Inaudible) Brian?

WATTERS: What does he look like?

UNKNOWN: He looks like a chauffeur.

UNKNOWN: Could you keep your eyes on the road, please?

UNKNOWN: Good thinking.

UNKNOWN: Greg Gutfeld.



WATTERS: Do you think he’s funny?

UNKNOWN: Yes, he is.

WATTERS: This guy is Jesse —

UNKNOWN: What’s up? How are you doing?

UNKNOWN: How are you doing?

UNKNOWN: That’s you.

WATTERS: Very good. How do you feel about me?

UNKNOWN: I think you’re muted).

UNKNOWN: That’s the guy on the news.

UNKNOWN: The guy that used to do the man show.

UNKNOWN: Is that your twin brother?

WATTERS: That’s my evil twin.

UNKNOWN: He’s a better looking one.

WATTERS: What did he do?

UNKNOWN: I don’t know. Nice tie though.

WATTERS: Thank you. On his behalf.

UNKNOWN: Thank you?

WATTERS: Yes. I really like this t-shirt. That’s how I save the world. You have to buy my book. Her name is Katie —

UNKNOWN: Katie Couric.

UNKNOWN: Holmes.

UNKNOWN: I feel like I’ve seen her on CNN.



WATTERS: That’s fake news.

TRUMP: CNN and the others are fake news.

UNKNOWN: Ainsley?

UNKNOWN: Britney Spears?

WATTERS: Free Britney. Who’s this?

UNKNOWN: It’s a Katie, Katie Pav —

WATTERS: Katie Pavlich.

UNKNOWN: Pavlich. Pavlich.

WATTERS: Ever seen the show?




UNKNOWN: Is that a new show?

UNKNOWN: It was a horror novel by one of my favorite writers.

UNKNOWN: I put a hell on you.

UNKNOWN: A new show on Fox News.

WATTERS: It’s 10 years old. It’s been around for 10 years, baby.

UNKNOWN: It’s on at five o’clock. What time is it now?

WATTERS: It’s five o’clock in New York City, and this is THE FIVE.

UNKNOWN: The best show.

WATTERS: That’s right.

UNKNOWN: I have not been able to muted).

WATTERS: That’s my show.

UNKNOWN: Great. It sucks.

UNKNOWN: You know something? You suck.

WATTERS: We just turned 10.

UNKNOWN: Congratulations.

WATTERS: Thank you very much.

UNKNOWN: That’s awesome, THE FIVE.

WATTERS: We just turned 10.

UNKNOWN: I’ve been watching since I was 13. Happy birthday.


PERINO: Happy birthday. That’s so — that was so well done.

WATTERS: That was cute.

KATIE PAVLICH, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: It’s like (Inaudible) you, Jesse.

WATTERS: I know. It was a struggle. It was 89 degrees, 100 — with the humidity that day. I couldn’t find a lot of Fox Fans out there. It was humbling.

PERINO: Where did you go?

WATTERS: Union Square.


PERINO: Why didn’t you go to Central Park where all the tourists are?


WATTERS: Dana, good point, but too late.

GUTFELD: Do you know what I just learned though, the P.R. shots make everybody look the same, right?

PERINO: That’s true.

GUTFELD: So, it’s like, that’s how it goes, I think I saw her on CNN because everybody gets the same head, we call them head shots.


WATTERS: Very common.

GUTFELD: All the head shots look the same.

PAVLICH: Right. They thought it was Britney Spears.


WATTERS: That’s a big — that’s a big compliment.


WATTERS: That was Britney from 2003.

PERINO: But they knew Geraldo.

WATTERS: Geraldo, everyone knew except the one woman who thought you were the host of the Apprentice.

RIVERA: Well, close enough.

PAVLICH: You got a promotion.

RIVERA: You know, you can’t do that show about Fox News in this the most progressive city on earth.

WATTERS: I know.

RIVERA: You know, they voted to outlaw the army here in New York City. But, you know, they catch on and they like you and the fact that you could sell that act to them and they don’t know you, I think that shows real charisma.

WATTERS: I was selling and act all right. Greg, we had some trouble finding people for you, we had to stay late in Union Square so you didn’t feel bad that no one recognize you, but I worked hard because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

GUTFELD: Well, that’s nice of you. I think — I think what’s interesting when you live in New York is the closeted fans —


GUTFELD: — who when they see you, they give you the —

WATTERS: Greg, we had a few people of the show —


WATTERS: — did one of you on camera.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Because they get to, this is great, and then they get fired.


WATTERS: It puts them in the danger, though.

PERINO: And then it was like, there’s people in your building who were like, in the elevator, they’re like, I’m the only one in the whole building that watches your show.


PERINO: I’m like, you’re the tenth person that told me that this week. And I’m so glad, thank you so much.

RIVERA: I have a lot of people conspiratorially saying, I like Fox News.


WATTERS: Right. But they don’t want to admit it.

RIVERA: But you should’ve gone to Suffolk County, Trump country.


WATTERS: Geraldo, that’s 50 minutes outside of the city.

RIVERA: Then you drive to Oyster Bay, that’s in Nassau.

WATTERS: Yes. Geraldo, you know these things. You got to go right out in the street.

PERINO: You’re the reverse that you could go to like Knoxville, Tennessee and do like the CNN people —



PAVLICH: I think they might know they just thought, they may take more of you than people —


WATTERS: They see the CNN people more on Fox than they see on CNN.

GUTFELD: You should have done — you should’ve gone to CHAZ if CHAZ was still here. I would’ve loved to see CHAZ.



PERINO: I remember CHAZ.

GUTFELD: Yes. The good old days.

PERINO: That’s a great story.

GUTFELD: We thought that was — we thought that CHAZ was going to last forever. Didn’t it change its name?

PERINO: Remember it was CHAZ —



WATTERS: CHAZ. They didn’t like the P.R.

GUTFELD: That didn’t last 10 years.

PERINO: I have a question. How do you get up the — because maybe it’s not courage, but I am so hesitant and reluctant to go up to anybody to ask them to talk on camera, did you just get over that right away?

WATTERS: Yes, I’m not afraid of rejection. So, you have to get used to a constant rejection. And I’m tall.

PERINO: You’re write about that in your book —


WATTERS: I can see people from miles away. I say, there’s one.

PERINO: But in your book you talk about how you rate people on how well they do in an ambush.

WATTERS: Yes. We do talk about that, the best thing you can do for an ambush is not say anything. You look like it’s a perp walk, but that’s better than exploding like Alec Baldwin on me because that’s what we want. We want people to explode.

PERINO: Well, I love the editing. Congrats, everybody.

GUTFELD: A little too much on the movie scenes.

PAVLICH: Very funny.

PERINO: I like it.

WATTERS: That was all Johnny.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know what, that’s his last day today.

WATTERS: You can’t — you can’t fire him. Who do you think you are?

PERINO: Ahead, Democrats trying to deflect on the massive crime search as President Biden visits America’s deadliest city. We’ll tell you where that is.


RIVERA (on camera): Welcome back to THE FIVE.

It is a crime wave blame game. President Biden in one of America’s deadliest big cities today meeting with Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot as violent crime in the windy city spirals out of control. That happening as Democrats try to pin blame for the surge of violence on everything, but their policies.

One glaring example, the White House has been saying preposterously that it was actually the Republicans who defunded the police, the Washington Post just gave that claim three Pinocchio’s. And now New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is going after guns today declaring a disaster emergency in response to the violence.


GOV. ANDREW CUOMO (D-NY): We went from COVID to the epidemic of gun violence. Today, the first date in the nation is going to declare a disaster emergency on nonviolence.


CUOMO: Everyone in the states, I want you to understand the extent of the problem. It then also allows us to move even faster, and free up money, and free up programs so we can get it on the street.


RIVERA (on camera): So, he’s talking about a magic wall, Katie, that would stop guns and allow good programs and good life to go through it.

PAVLICH: OK, but you have to look at the actions that have been taken by New York City in contrast with what the governor is proposing here. In December of 2020, the New York Post had this headline, the New York City has free thousands of gun suspects this year as shootings increase in new York City.

In Chicago today, or maybe it was yesterday you have the police superintendent there David Brown begging the court system to keep these guys in jail. Right? They are arresting these guys over and over again on gun charges, they’re being let out, they’re not being given heavy sentences. They get out, they get arrested and they’re doing it all over again and people are being killed as a result.

For example, 20-year-old Max Lewis who is a college student in Chicago was killed by a stray bullet that came through a subway car and killed him. There are real victims here. And so, yes, criminals are using firearms illegally to carry out their crimes, they’re not being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law to do that.

And when someone like Governor Cuomo or the White House talks about implementing more gun-control laws. Laws are no good if the judicial system is not enforcing them or putting people behind bars, and criminals can’t commit crimes with guns if they are in jail, and so that is the problem here.

RIVERA: I get that, but there are 400 million guns more or less, Jesse, in the country. I mean, at what point is there enough, we are the number one per capita gun owners or gun possessors in the world by far.

WATTERS: Well, the Constitution says you can own one, so I guess there is no limit to gun ownership in this country. You could stop producing guns tomorrow, Geraldo, for the next 10 years we’re still going to not stop the crime wave in Chicago. So, Biden’s handler sent him to Chicago to talk to Lori Lightfoot about the crime surge there.

He didn’t go to Chicago. He went to Crystal City which is 50 miles outside of Chicago. That’s the Kamala Harris route, you know, don’t actually go to the border, go to the El Paso airport. He pulled the same move and it’s a joke.

Katie mentioned it, it’s a gang problem, they have 100,000 gang members in that city.

RIVERA: Over. Over.

WATTERS: They got the Latin kings, the gangster disciples, everyone you can think of. So, all the narcotics, the fentanyl and the meth and the heroin just flew right into Chicago because that’s a hub. You look at a map, borders Indiana, Iowa, Missouri, everyone from that part of the country just goes right into Chicago gets the guns, gets the drug and they leave.

So, there is a lot of money to be made and there’s really no — nothing you can do except one thing. Throw in the task force and start incarcerating these guys. Just throw the book at them. Get the federal prosecutors involved, make it a federal gun charge and lock them up because right now, all these stray bullets are killing people to the rate we haven’t seen in the last 10 years.

These guys don’t know how to shoot weapons. These guys aren’t trained shooters. They’re shooting weapons all over the place. They don’t know what they’re doing. It’s hitting people because of the population density. It’s just too tight of an area to just fire bullets into the area and not expect to kill innocent people.


GUTFELD: Law-abiding gun owners are better shots.

WATTERS: Exactly.

RIVERA: But I don’t think that it’s hitting —


WATTERS: It’s true. It’s true.

RIVERA: — it’s hitting a specific target is not what they’re after. What they’re after is terror.

WATTERS: They’re just spraying everybody.

RIVERA: they after terror and retaliation —


RIVERA: — and revenge. And Dana, it is about guns and drugs, that’s absolutely true. We want the feds involved. Ironically today, President Biden goes to the Chicago area and two ATF agents get shot.



RIVERA: And a cop in Chicago —

PERINO: One in the hand and one in the back of the head.

RIVERA: — and a Chicago cop gets shot.


RIVERA: So, one thing I don’t want to be a party pooper here, but Chicago didn’t start when Biden got elected.


RIVERA: Chicago has been around. It’s been rotten a long time. I went with Jim Brown to Cabrini-Green back in the 70s, Chicago has been awful for a long time. What the hell can you do about that?

PERINO: Actually, my assistant had asked me the other day, she’s like, well, Chicago is the worst it’s ever been. I’m like, Chicago is bad and it’s been bad for a while.

RIVERA: It’s outside.

PERINO: But in particular, let’s talk about New York. So, one of the things New York wanted to do is reimagine the police. And so, they eliminated the anti-crime unit. And the anti-crime unit was basically they were smart enough and they had good intel and they were in the communities and they could be like, that guy has got illegal gun. OK, fine, we’ll go pick him up.

And that’s how they prevent crime. They reimagine the police, they end that task force and then what happens, crime goes up. I mean, people could figure this out. As to The Washington Post giving the White House three Pinocchio’s, if you could count on maybe one hand how many times in the last year The Washington Post has given a Democrat one of those things and three Pinocchio’s, I don’t understand why it’s not four. It really should have been.

But I think when the story of all this is written, is that, they not only were trying to deflect blame and lie about the Republicans, but they weren’t doing anything to solve the underlying problem.

Last point is, I watch one of the broadcast networks last night, and we check on another one. Two of the big broadcast networks last night did not even mention the fact, did not even mention. Didn’t even a word mention not a 15-second reader that 400 people in the country were shot and 150 killed over the weekend.


PERINO: Not a mention. So, it’s bias by omission.


RIVERA: I agree absolutely with that. And when you watch it, it’s shocking how it is the different narrative, almost the different America. But you know, I read an interesting thing, Greg, about the Sandy Hook parents, they had to release, you know, the Sandy Hook parents who their six-year-olds were killed by what’s his name, Lanza, Adam Lanza.

PAVLICH: Fancy, isn’t it?

RIVERA: They say there should be liability on the gun manufacturers. That when you sell a military style assault weapon, you’re not selling it to deer hunters, what do you think is going to happen with the military style assault weapon.

GUTFELD: I don’t even know where to go with that question because military style assault weapon.


GUTFELD: A rifle.


GUTFELD: You mean a rifle that has a bunch of things added onto it. Look, Lori Lightfoot was asked about the criticism of her city and the crime wave and she blamed it on the fact that she is black and a lesbian. She said 99 percent of the criticism is because of that. So, this is — this is — a lot of this has to do with identity politics which prevents solutions. Right?

RIVERA: I agree with that.

GUTFELD: She could just totally escape culpability and go, it’s not all the dead people, it’s because I’m a black gay person. No, being black and being gay actually help her get elected. People gave her a lot of room to grow and instead of growing, she is dying on the vine and the city is going with it.

The Democratic strategy right now is to talk about gun violence, not talk about the gun man. When you remove the person from the act, you remove your own responsibility from it.


GUTFELD: Right? The elimination of responsibility also eliminates the pressure on you to do anything about it. It’s gun violence, it’s not the gunmen. It’s not the people. We don’t have to do anything about the people but we got to get these guns off the street, we need more laws.

And so, gun violence falls into this weird murky stupidity of CNN where like somehow criminals don’t exist, riots don’t exist.


GUTFELD: Arson doesn’t exist. But these guns are walking around, these guns are walking around just shooting at people. They’re not being held by anybody. It’s just like how these fires mysteriously started. A fire was started.

PERINO: In a bar.

GUTFELD: In a — yes, yes. No, someone started the fire.

RIVERA: In a police precinct.

GUTFELD: In a police precinct, exactly.

RIVERA: Unless and until people recognize that this is the civil rights issue of our time, that there is a ghetto civil war, drugs and gangs are what it’s about. Unless we do something about that, we’re going to be doing the story for the next 10 years.

GUTFELD: Legalize.

RIVERA: The head of a major teachers union ripping into parents who oppose critical race theory. See it next on THE FIVE.


PAVLICH (on camera): The head of a top teachers union ready to go to battle to defend teaching critical race theory. AFT president Randi Weingarten slamming critics and saying her union has prepared, is prepared to fight in court to defend teachers who push it in their classrooms.


RANDI WEINGARTEN, PRESIDENT, AMERICAN FEDERATION OF TEACHERS: Mark my words, our union will defend any member who gets in trouble for teaching honest history. We have a legal defense fund ready to go.

Teaching the truth is not radical or wrong. Distorting history, and threatening educators for teaching the truth is what is truly radical and wrong.


PAVLICH (on camera): And Weingarten who was with first lady Jill Biden today says the White House has her back.


WEINGARTEN: Together we can support each other because we also know there is an administration in Washington, D.C. that has our back. And an education department that truly respect your voices as professionals in classrooms. And frankly, that starts with the first lady.


PAVLICH (on camera): So, Jesse, this seems like an intimidation tactic that Ms. Weingarten is using against parents who dare to speak out. They’re bringing in the lawyers, they’re threatening lawsuits, and now they’re saying the White House is involved.

WATTERS: Poor Dr. Jill Biden.


WATTERS: That is not a hill you want to die on, critical race theory. My goodness. This country is against us by like three to one. If the CIA, Katie, were to invent a way to suddenly destroy the country it would be teaching critical race theory in our schools. Randi is not a nice woman. No Bueno, Geraldo, no Bueno.

First, she’s going to embezzle all the money that we gave them to not teach. I can’t prove it, but I will next year when you see all the indictments because that’s their track record. Then she kept all the kids out of school —


RIVERA: You’re already (Inaudible).

WATTERS: — for the entire year, and then now that they’re behind, instead of catching them up, she is just dragging them through the dirty racial gutter. It’s a shame, it’s disgusting and the parents aren’t taking it anymore.

I’ve not seen the Democratic Party this discombobulated trying to defend something than what they’re doing with critical race theory.


WATTERS: Usually they’re really on message. Like surprisingly on message. This time they’re like, we don’t teach critical race theory, actually we do, we just teach it in colleges.


WATTERS: Actually, we just teach it in middle school but it’s a good thing, but I can’t define what it is, but it’s good. And it’s not history, Katie.


WATTERS: They have history class. I’m fine with teaching slavery in history that it’s already taught.


WATTERS: They’re talking about adding another topic, and it’s rot.

PAVLICH: Yes. Dana, they are gas lighting the parents and they’re also calling them bullies. Let’s take a listen and get your take.



WEINGARTEN: Culture worriers are labeling any discussion of race, racism, or discrimination as CRT to try to make it toxic. They are bullying teachers and trying to stop us from teaching students accurate history.



PERINO: Well, dismissing your critics as racist is basically just a way to say that I don’t have to deal with you anymore.


PERINO: And it’s also telling the parents you’re just confused. Like, they’re not and they are engaged and they’ve been to more school board meetings that they ever thought they would in their entire lives. Many are — I think we showed yesterday, I think the number of school board recall petitions are up like a huge amount and then they have people deciding to run for the school board.

I mean, this escalated pretty quickly from, this is just an obscure elite theory that no one really pays attention too. We have a legal defense fund in order to defend anybody —


PERINO: — who is going to do it. Now here’s the thing. Of all the millions of members that our teachers, there’s got to be some that don’t want to teach critical race theory.


PERINO: Will she defend them?

PAVLICH: That’s a great question.

PERINO: And I would imagine that they are going to invite a lawsuit that will be very interesting by the time it gets to the Supreme Court what would happen. Remember, the union dues issue was already dealt with and they were pushed back on. But if you’re in the union, you don’t have a choice, you have to pay. So, now you are paying out of your paycheck as a teacher into the union, you don’t have a choice and some of that money will be used to defend critical race theory even if you don’t believe in it.

PAVLICH: You know, Greg, now that kids have been at home for a year, and these teachers’ unions are threatening to shut down schools again in the fall, parents have been able to see more of what their kids are learning. And we saw at the beginning, they didn’t want teachers — or parents to be listening in on the Zoom calls and the meetings that the kids were having. Well, now we know why.

There’s — you know, they’re saying that we don’t teach critical race theory. But the parents are seeing it firsthand with the work that they’re doing in their home, their kitchen table.

GUTFELD: Yes, in fact, I mean, this is where you can really get an edge on these — on these people because you’ve got to define it. And once you define it, they’re on the defense because the practitioners will deny it. They’ll say, oh, no CRT does this. We don’t teach that. But then it’s documented. It’s in there. Well, we don’t really do that.

You don’t even know what it is. But the first thing you got to realize it’s a theory. It’s not history, it’s a theory. It’s based on defining America as an oppressor versus the oppressed. It means that no one is free from race. That free — that race, your skin color, actually defines your outcomes. And that that’s the reason why we will be eternally divided.

And the weirdest thing — the worst thing about it, what makes it racist, is that it says that there are certain specific attributes that are distinctly white, all right, so that’s racist. We know that’s racist, and it’s OK to bully a racist. That’s what I’ve been told by the media. So, if CRT has racial components, and she’s teaching this stuff, she deserves to be bullied. She should — people, to quote the great Maxine Waters, should get in her face because she’s teaching racist stuff to children.

Lastly, you know what, let them run with this stuff and get your kids out of the school. It is time for a separate track, school choice. Let these people crash and burn. If they want to destroy their children, have at it. But if you’re a parent, you get your kids out of there, you go to another school, you move out of town if you have to. Let these people die with what they’re creating.

PAVLICH: Yes. Now, there’s this push to disconnect property taxes and money from schools and attach it directly to individuals, meaning your kids.

Geraldo, you know, if you’re a teacher in a school and you’re teaching reading, writing, and math, that enables every student in the school to be on the same playing field when it comes to opportunity and success in life. But instead, teachers are focused on this garbage that turns kids against each other and they’re bullying the parents and threatening to dox them if they dare say anything.

RIVERA: I think that you’re all way too sensitive. When I —

GUTFELD: Geraldo says that.

RIVERA: When I was in school, the only black person in American history that I ever heard of like Jackie Robinson.

GUTFELD: You were a lousy student.


RIVERA: Just let me finish. Let me finish.

WATTERS: You must have cut class.

RIVERA: Let me finish. It was — you know, the Founding Fathers and you know, I never — I was never taught that there was only one Catholic among the signers of the Declaration of Independence. There’s some good — there’s some good in 1619 and all these other concepts. They go overboard. Teachers are way too progressive.

PAVLICH: What’s good about it?

RIVERA: The parents could be insufferable too. I had lunch today —

PAVLICH: All right.

RIVERA: at Michael’s great restaurant. I took my daughter and her friend Alex.

GUTFELD: This is all about a plug.

RIVERA: both of them, you know, go to Spence.

PAVLICH: What is this?

RIVERA: So, my daughter — Sol went to Spence on the left, her friend Alex, her best friend.

PAVLICH: What is going on?

RIVERA: But they say —

WATTERS: What kind of tie you’re wearing, Geraldo. Do you want to plug that?

RIVERA: They say — the 15-year-old say that the parents can be insufferable too. The teachers may go overboard. Let the kids figure it out.

PAVLICH: Yes, you know what —

GUTFELD: Wait, wait, wait, I was at lunch —

RIVERA: Let the kids figure it out.

GUTFELD: I was at lunch today at Arby’s. Do you have a picture of me with my family?

PERINO: I was at lunch at my desk.

WATTERS: Yes. You ever heard of the customer is always right? Well, the parents and the students are the customers.

PAVLICH: They’re paying for it.

WATTERS: They’re paying taxes to be taught this stuff. And if they object to it —

RIVERA: Oh, that’s not true.

PAVLICH: It is true.

WATTERS: — then they should do something about it.

RIVERA: What if you have a totally obnoxious parent who thinks something, you know — I don’t even —

WATTERS: You probably are the obnoxious parent.

RIVERA: I’m the nicest parent.

WATTERS: You’re sensitive.

PAVLICH: All right, anyway, coming up next, track star Sha’Carri Richardson will not be running in the Olympics this summer. That and more on “THE FASTEST” up next.

RIVERA: That is —


GUTFELD: Welcome back. Time for “THE FASTEST.” First up, bad news. It’s official. America’s fastest woman will miss out on the Olympics this summer. Sha’Carri Richardson got suspended last week after testing positive for marijuana. And now, Team USA announced the track star did not make the final roster saying it’s an issue of fairness — I hate fairness — for athletes who already earned a spot.

I kind of understand the argument, Dana, but you’re a — from a public relations perspective, yes, could this could have been a great moment for Republicans and Democrats to come together and defended her. But they all wimped out across the board, unless I miss some people.

PERINO: Or even like the U.S. Track and Field Association which finally made the ultimate decision basically to even block her from being able to run in the relay because they could have allowed her to do that because there was like a — it’s a 30 day thing. The relay isn’t run until 32 days later, so they actually could have done it and been smart and let this young person do that.

She said, I’m human. True, but she’s super-fast human. And also, she knew the rules. I get it. But think — just think how in shape she is. She can – – I don’t know how much marijuana she smoked. I have no idea.

GUTFELD: Yes, right.

PERINO: But she could still run faster than everybody.


PERINO: That’s pretty impressive.

GUTFELD: I know. What do you want right now?

PERINO: Not enough.

GUTFELD: Jesse, let’s play a game alternative universe. Trump was reelected, he would have gone to bat for her.

WATTERS: So, she hit a blonde. She’s fast. It wasn’t crack. Put her on the track. I pardon her. I pardon her.

GUTFELD: Perfect. That’s exactly what would I —



WATTERS: I want to see her run. America wants to see her run.

GUTFELD: Exactly. That’s all —

PERINO: America first.

GUTFELD: America first. Geraldo, thoughts.

RIVERA: I started smoking pot in 1963.

GUTFELD: Do you have a picture?

WATTERS: We probably did call for it, Geraldo.

RIVERA: Here I am smoking pot.

PERINO: He’s my dealer.

RIVERA: I actually got — it never made me run faster.

GUTFELD: No, just from the cops.

RIVERA: Actually, you know, I used to be on the board of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws. That was 1972. We thought it would be illegal by 73, 74, 75. And look, it’s just taking so long. And this is just another tragic story. another victim of reefer madness.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Katie?

PAVLICH: I think that as long as men are allowed to compete in the Olympics as women —


PAVLICH: That women should be allowed to dope.

GUTFELD: Exactly.


WATTERS: Good point.

GUTFELD: It’s true. It’s true. It’s true.

PERINO: That’s a great point.

GUTFELD: They’re taking drugs to compete.

WATTERS: Enhance their performace.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PAVLICH: All women should be allowed to dope.

PERINO: We should have — we should have like a separate race.


PERINO: Not as a —


PERINO: But like we could host a competition.


RIVERA: I was wondering where you were going.


GUTFELD: Everybody gets high? It’s a high race.

PERINO: Yes. And see how fast everybody can run. Oh my gosh, I want to sponsor this.

GUTFELD: Hey, Dud, that 100 meters, the 11th year of THE FIVE. It was a good run.

WATTERS: What time was —

GUTFELD: It was a good year. Our first thing was to get high and —


GUTFELD: All right, up next men are going through a friendship crisis. A new survey says one in five males don’t have a close friend. And the percentage of men with at least close — six close friends that fallen by half since the early 90s. Jesse, I pretended it’s because they all died.

WATTERS: So, I did radio interviews to promote How I Save the World. And everybody asked me, do you hang out with Greg off-camera? And I say the same thing every time. Our parents won’t let us play together. We could be best friends, but it’s not allowed.

GUTFELD: That is so funny. I haven’t thought about that in a while. But my mom used to say that to me all the time. And I bet other mothers said it to their kids. Like, Geraldo, were you a my mom will let me play with you kind of kid.

RIVERA: Oh, I don’t even remember.

PERINO: But he remember smoking —

RIVERA: Old men — old men don’t have friends. They’re friends with their wives’ husbands.


RIVERA: I mean, their wives’ husband friend.

PAVLICH: I was going to say that.

GUTFELD: Oh my God. And it’s like, you don’t have any choice in it.

RIVERA: You know, your friends are either dead or they’re way separated.

PERINO: Then you have to make an effort. You have to make an effort.

GUTFELD: Efforts suck, Dana.

PERINO: Women are very good at this. They make the effort. They have a lot of friends. And like —

RIVERA: Erica is the best.

PERINO: You have to — and if you’re out there and your husband is like, maybe not having as many friends as you’d like, you got to push a little bit. Like, set up a date.

GUTFELD: No, I just think we should have a separate race. We’ll be right back. No, Katie, what — so you — do you buy this? Does your husband have a lot of friends.

PAVLICH: My husband is like the mayor of the world. He will be in the middle of nowhere in an airport and he knows somebody. So, we’re the opposite. He has a lot of friends.

RIVERA: Is he a public person?

PAVLICH: He just knows a lot of people, has a lot of friends. But I do feel sorry for the guys who don’t have a lot of friends. I think it’s — the rise of technology has limit people’s circle.

GUTFELD: You know what, we — you should look at it a different way. Make enemies as you get older. That’s more fun, right?


RIVERA: My wife’s friends are obviously her age, much younger than I am, so their husbands are much younger than I, so it’s kind of —

GUTFELD: Yes, I have that issue.

RIVERA: I started texting all my surviving friends.

GUTFELD: All right, that’s upbeat. Pictures of his dead friends with Geraldo. That’s next. Up next, Jesse has a special Feeding Frenzy and it might make us squirm.


WATTERS: Welcome back, everybody. So, over the last few months, I’ve become reacquainted with baby food. And that inspired me to put together a very special feeding frenzy. I made a tasty little selection of three top-notch baby foods. Of course, it’s all organic. And you guys are going to test these out and we’re going to figure out the flavor. So, let’s begin. So, food one is the green one. Everybody raise your spoon.

PERINO: Oh Lord.

WATTERS: Tell us what this flavor is, Greg.

RIVERA: My stomach is growling.

GUTFELD: Celery?

WATTERS: Celery, close. It’s not celery but you’re in the right —

GUTFELD: Broccoli.

WATTERS: Wrong. Can we get a buzzer?

PERINO: I know what — it’s like that thing on Thanksgiving.


PERINO: Casserole.


GUTFELD: What is it?

PERINO: Green bean casserole.

WATTERS: Green bean casserole. Geraldo, you actually have to eat it.

RIVERA: I just did it. It’s kind of like —

WATTERS: And by the way, Geraldo, when he looks at the plate, he goes where’s the food? He thought these were dips.

PAVLICH: They look like sauces.

WATTERS: It’s not a condiment.

RIVERA: I thought it was the sauce.

GUTFELD: I like that we all get separate spoons for this. Like, this is totally professional.

WATTERS: This is very professional.

PERINO: And also, look how much is in there. I’m like, who’s going to eat this?

WATTERS: Bottoms up, Perino. It’s a shot. All right, next one. It is the mustard-colored flavor.

GUTFELD: Produced by the baby itself.

RIVERA: This is what you take out of the diaper.

WATTERS: Oh good reaction shots. The cameramen are doing a great job.

PAVLICH: We have to do another one to figure this out.

GUTFELD: I’m disgusted.

PERINO: Mac and cheese?


RIVERA: Squash?

WATTERS: No. Come on, guys. This is easy.


WATTERS: Very complex, nice bouquet.

PERINO: Butternut squash?

WATTERS: No, it looks like butternut squash.

PERINO: Pumpkin.

WATTERS: No. You guys are terrible at this. Guys, it’s chicken noodle.

RIVERA: Chicken noodle?

WATTERS: It’s chicken noodle.

PAVLICH: It’s disgusting.

WATTERS: Geraldo, I don’t even think you tried it.

RIVERA: I did. I did. It’s on my tongue.

WATTERS: No, you just smelled it.

PAVLICH: This is mashed-up chicken noodle?

GUTFELD: This is revenge for all those TV shows you did in the 80s and you forced us to —

RIVERA: I’ve got it in my mustache.

WATTERS: That’s a lot in there. all right, we’re going to finish up with the third baby food and it’s dark.

RIVERA: This one looks like the best.

PERINO: OK, I requested this one.

WATTERS: It looks like a one, but it’s not.

PERINO: I know this one. I requested this one.

WATTERS: You know this one?

PAVLICH: I know what this is.



PERINO: You think babies eat mole?


GUTFELD: Beef stew.


PAVLICH: It tastes like a fig newton.

RIVERA: It is kind of fig newton.


GUTFELD: I don’t know.

WATTERS: Are you feeling differently?


WATTERS: In what way?

GUTFELD: I don’t know how I feel.


GUTFELD: But if I have a terrible show after this, I’m blaming you.

WATTERS: Greg, well —

RIVERA: Well, you’re spending a lot of time in a certain room.


WATTERS: Is prune.

PERINO: Oh. I just ate the whole thing. Wow.

WATTERS: Surprise, surprise.

RIVERA: You ate the whole thing, prunes.

WATTERS: We have another surprise though.

PERINO: I didn’t ask for —

WATTERS: Let’s bring out someone very special.

GUTFELD: Oh, wait.

WATTERS: Very, very special.

GUTFELD: Who? What?

WATTERS: Look who it is.

PERINO: Emma and a little baby.

RIVERA: It’s Emma! Hey, and the baby.

PERINO: Hi. How are you?


WATTERS: It’s Jesse Jr. Hi!

PERINO: Very little.

E. WATTERS: He like to lie.


WATTERS: So, what does the shirt say?

RIVERA: Look at the big boy. Look at the big boy.

WATTERS: I’m Watters and this is my world.

PAVLICH: He looks just like you.

WATTERS: Does he look like me?

PAVLICH: Yes, he does.

RIVERA: Oh, big boy.

GUTFELD: I don’t think so. I don’t think he looks like you.

WATTERS: You don’t see me?

GUTFELD: Not yet.


GUTFELD: He looks a lot like Geraldo.

RIVERA: He’s adorable.

PERINO: Can I hold him?

PAVLICH: He looks hungry.

WATTERS: You want to hold him?

PERINO: I do. Is that allowed?

WATTERS: All right, go for it, Dana. Dana can hold Jesse Jr. Now, he just learned how to raise his head, so he’s drooling all over the place just like Greg.

PERINO: Do you like some of these things?

PAVLICH: Does he have a favorite?

WATTERS: No, he’s not in the solid food camp yet. We’re still doing bottle.

RIVERA: Look at him checking out daddy.

PERINO: He loves daddy.

RIVERA: That’s daddy.

WATTERS: So, I’m Watters and this is my baby.

PERINO: This is my world.


PERINO: There you go.

RIVERA: He’s so adorable.


PERINO: It’s time now for “ONE MORE THING.” Jesse is going to kick us off.

WATTERS: So, I don’t know if you guys have heard I have a book out. How I Save the World, it came out yesterday. And there’s still time to order your signed copy. So, go to How I Save the World and you get a signed copy. But you also can do a live book signing with Dana who’s going to be hosting this. You ask questions, I answer them, or if I don’t know, I lie.

PERINO: Send in the most — like, embarrassing questions you can think of.

WATTERS: Right. So, visit premierecollectibles.com/watters. premiercollectibles.com/watters. At 6:15, we’ll answer your questions. And then I’m doing Levin’s radio show. They call him the great one. Then “HANNITY” at 9:00 Eastern.

PERINO: Wow, he’s really working.


RIVERA: Dana must really like you. I always thought it was like an ask.

PERINO: I saw him —

WATTERS: Did you say that —

PERINO: I like him. I saw him at 6:30 this morning. I was like, welcome to my world.


PERINO: OK, I got this for you, everybody. Everyone loves this segment, right?

WATTERS: All right.

PERINO: Corny jokes, corny jokes, are you ready? Number — I have four. One, which letter is the coolest? What is the coolest letter?

RIVERA: The coolest letter. Z.

PERINO: In the alphabet.


PERINO: Iced Tea. Very good. OK, now that you’re going to get in the swing of things. What does the sun drink out of?


PERINO: You drink out of sun —


PERINO: Glasses. Number three, why are dolphins so healthy?

PAVLICH: Because they flip.

PERINO: Healthy, healthy, they get a lot of vitamin sea.

WATTERS: These are hard.

GUTFELD: I thought you said — I thought you said they have — they have (INAUDIBLE)

RIVERA: Well, sunglasses wasn’t hard, really.

PERINO: Last one.


PERINO: How do you get in touch with a fish?


PERINO: You’re dropping a line.

PAVLICH: That’s my favorite one.


PAVLICH: That was good.

PERINO: Greg, you’re next.

GUTFELD: We should focus group that and find out how the audience likes it.

PERINO: I think they love it.

GUTFELD: Oh, you know what today is, July 7? It’s National Dive Bar Day. I’ve been a big fan of dive bars ever since I was a teenager. And they’d let me drink there. But a dive bar, it’s got to be clean, it’s got to be comfortable. Women have to like going in there, so that means not too many creepy people. The bathroom stalls should always have locks.

WATTERS: Why, Greg?

GUTFELD: Just for reasons that —

PERINO: So, nobody walks in.

GUTFELD: My favorite dive bars don’t exist anymore. There was one downtown in Midtown called Siberia which no longer exists.

RIVERA: They can’t afford the rent.

PERINO: Thanks to climate change.

GUTFELD: Thanks to climate change. There’s a place called Cannons in Allentown. The Allentownians knew that, a great bar.

RIVERA: Harbor Inn in Cleveland.

GUTFELD: Harbor Inn? There’s a lot of great dive bars. So, visit your dive bar tonight. You have an excuse. It’s National Dive Bar Day. Fun fact, Pittsburgh, PA has 12 bars per 10,000 residents.

PAVLICH: Wow. Impressive.

WATTERS: Did you notice Greg didn’t like your corny jokes segment. He thinks he should be the only one telling jokes on the set. He didn’t like it.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, we had — we had a debate. They’re not jokes. They’re not jokes. They’re riddles.

PERINO: He said they’re not jokes, they’re riddles. It’s like corny riddles and I’m like, well, all right, all right. Geraldo, we already saw pictures of your family. What else you got?

RIVERA: More pictures of my family. I went to Malibu. I have a house here for 32 years. So, my oldest son on the left, Gabriel, he and his family have been living in Europe, five years in Holland, five years in Germany. He’s a computer guy. So, his son, Desmond, was basically raised in Europe, but he came here. So, anyway, Erica, Sol, and I went to the Bel Air hotel. We stayed. We went to the pool and bought a Marilyn Monroe. And here’s my youngest grandson. It’s Vincent eating coleslaw and getting it all over grandpa.

PERINO: He and Jesse Jr. ought to get together for a play day if that is allowed.

WATTERS: Not allowed, Dana.

PERINO: Also, a special happy birthday to my assistant Caroline Sherwood. Happy Birthday to you. That’s it for us. “SPECIAL REPORT” is up next. Hey, Mike Emanuel.

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