Happy, glorious, glorious Monday. Oh, it’s so great to be here. So we’re coming up on the three-year anniversary of full lockdown mode. When COVID arrived and the price for a bowl of bat soup went through the roof. Since then, we’ve learned a lot about the screwups in the early days, and we knew from the start the official stats were like Joe Biden counting his grandchildren. The numbers didn’t add up.

But now we’re seeing some people admit the truth as the media finally lets them speak the truth without banning them from Twitter or worse, making them get interviewed by Joy Reid. Specifically, doctors are now admitting how much hospitals overcounted the number of COVID deaths in hospitalizations. It’s the subject of the latest chapter of.

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NARRATOR: Oh, you’ve got to be ******* kidding me. Come on.

GREG GUTFELD: WE’RE TALKING LARGE BREASTS HERE

I hate this. In a new column, CNN medical analyst and Washington Post columnist Dr. Leana Wen acknowledged that we are overcounting COVID deaths in hospitalizations. That’s a problem. You think so, Wen? When did you reach this conclusion, Wen? When do you remember when, Wen? Taking almost three years to fess up. Hell, you’re worse than Hunter, denying the truth like it was a baby you made with a stripper. If only this honest headline could have been published in maybe the spring of 2020. Hell, we could have approached things more sensibly. Instead, the only curve we flattened was our GDP. And we held schoolkids so far back, they have the reading level of an audience member of “The View.” It’s quite a hole.

But because the experts inflamed fear through lies of exaggeration, we always had to retreat back inside our homes in fear, just when we thought the pandemic would peak. “No, it’s not really over,” they’d tell us as they went about their daily lives. See it didn’t affect them, so it could go on for ever and ever.

Wen starts her column by question the CDC’s latest stats claiming the US is experiencing 400 COVID deaths a day. But then Wen cites a doctor who admits that 90% of patients diagnosed with COVID are actually in the hospital for some other illness. Now, I’m no math whiz, but 90% sounds like a lot. So it could have been up to nine out of ten COVID patients weren’t COVID patients at all. But it’s those numbers that the government used to justify relentless intrusion into our public and even private lives.

Of course, we already had a suspicion that stuff was being exaggerated, right? But if you brought it up, you were labeled a conspiracy theorist or worse, a Fox News viewer. Oh, man, those guys are crazy. And if you thought Joe Rogan was right for saying exercise and diet would help, you were a fat-shaming murderer. That’s the infuriating part, right? Because now they tell us they were lying even as they mocked us for questioning their lies.

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You can’t help but wonder what the real numbers would look like now if we went back to the data in all the hospitals nationwide and subtracted all these other patients. Could it be that just a small portion of the population was the most vulnerable, that it was about the elderly, the infirm and obese and healthy young people were unnecessarily targeted? If we’d been honest at the start, we could have saved or at least protected those people sooner instead of Andrew Cuomo-ing them into the afterlife. I wonder if our nation’s foremost COVID expert can clear some of this up. Jim, what’s the latest?

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JIMMY FALLON: There was Alpha, then Delta, then Omicron next. But this latest variant might be the best. It’s XBB.1.5. Another brand of COVID-19 has arrived.

That’s more damaging to your health than long COVID. The results are clear. Musical propaganda won’t save anyone from COVID. And when it comes to ratings, it’s a death sentence. Trust me.

But of course, such agitprop is for your own good, right? Just like hospitals adding COVID to patients’ death certificates even if the virus played no role in how they died. As Wen explains, a gunshot victim or someone who had a heart attack could test positive for the virus but the infection has no bearing on why they sought medical care. In other words, it was more likely the exit wound the size of a dinner plate in their back that sent them to the E.R. So they died with COVID, not from COVID, but they became part of the official count anyway. But if that’s true, then Chicago has to be the COVID capital of the world. If only the gunshot victims had been wearing masks.