‘Gutfeld!’ on COVID vaccine, mask mania

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This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” August 2, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS HOST: Remember, freedom matters. It does matter. Protected. All made in the USA on lauraingraham.com. Supported good charity. This month on my favorite, Little Sisters of the Poor. Get your all cotton. Where is it? Beautiful t-shirt all made in the U.S. Drive the liberals crazy. Freedom matters. “GUTFELD!”next —

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Over 90 percent of hospitalizations, especially in Florida are among the unvaccinated. A female doctor was on this morning. She made the best analogy I’ve heard. She said that being vaccinated is like wearing your seatbelt. That it doesn’t guarantee you won’t get in an accident. But if you do, you have a much better chance of surviving. Hey, get your shots.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST (on camera): Well, I guess getting your shot is better than murder.

I didn’t even know if anybody can hear me. All right. Happy Monday. In times of unease and confusion it helps to have a leader come out and do something bold to tell us that life is OK and we can return to normal.

It’s like what your dad used to do after exiting the bathroom with a can of Lysol. Everything was now under control. Well, the greatest man in the history of the world is back. No, not him.

Him. Yes, our former 44th president has given the middle finger to the CDC by inviting over 500 people to his 60th birthday party at his $12 million Martha Vineyard Mansion. It’s the beach house of bash that shows America that there’s no reason to be worried about COVID or rising sea levels.

Yes, climate change and corona are officially dead. According to this news. Although I think my invite got lost in the mail or mixed up with all those love letters for Megan Fox.

Apparently, the guests will be wined and dined by over 200 staffers, 200, boy, I bet border patrol in Texas is green with envy. Yes, I wonder how the wall of security at this party would take to a bunch of party goers to showing up demanding to be let in. And I wonder if you bring a kid you’ll be letting free just like at our border. Now, Pearl Jam was supposed to play at this party, but now they deny it. That’s probably good.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, they really are thinking man to ABBA. Now all guests will have to be tested in vax and there’s going to be a COVID coordinator to make sure people follow precautions. I guess that’s how Fauci got his invite.

Now, this news comes amid an increase in the Delta variants and the ensuing media panic. A panic, however, that doesn’t go near Obama for holding a bass during a pandemic.

But I salute him and the message he’s sending, which is rather than shut down your lives again, it’s time to throw Fauci to the wind, and live your life. Death comes for all of us, whether it’s the miniscule risk of a vaccinated person gets from COVID, or the giant risk of getting murdered in Portland.

The real challenge isn’t simply the virus. It’s overcoming those who politicize this in order to divide a country.

Too bad there isn’t a vaccine to protect us from CNN’s misinformation. But based on the ratings, it would take only about 50 doses. I wonder what the angry white male has to say.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Come on, let Barack Obama have a party, would you? I mean, what a man decides to do in the privacy of his own island mansion is his business. Of course, I wouldn’t go to the party, even if I was invited. Not because I’m concerned about COVID-19. But for more solitary activities, like — I don’t know, riding ski lifts alone in the summer.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know he just dumped a body. What about the angry black male?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Damn it. Sometimes when I stick my hands in a chip bags, it’s so big the bag rips open. Sure it’s a common problem but I’m sure that’s not what you’re here for. So what? Speak your mind.

What? President Barack Obama is throwing a party. Great. Good for him. We need more parties in this country. I don’t think is great that President Trump, stone rallies which are kind of like parties. (INAUDIBLE) are great. I love the fact that our former presidents throw parties and rallies. That’s great.

You know what else would be some cool parties and since we’re on the subject of partying? How about just the facts only CDC party? That will be awesome. I would love to attend that. Have easy guest list. And how about a no free money is good money party? That would be phenomenal. We can all get back to work and pull our own weight and get back to doing the things that make this country great again.

And then again, of course, there’s my favorite party, the, you must be taller than five nine to ride this ride party, Gutfeld. I know it’s you sending this camera crews around me all the time.

I know it’s you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Five-nine. That’s about right. Meanwhile, other leaders are doing the same thing. D.C. Mayor Bowser was photographed maskless at an emergency wedding reception just after reinstating a mask mandate for her city. But can you blame her? It’s very hard to breathe wearing a mask while doing the chicken dance.

D.C. is currently averaging one COVID death a week. Experts say the city has become so criminally dangerous, even COVID doesn’t want to go there.

Meanwhile, who was at Lollapalooza, the worst mayor in history if you ignore Bill de Blasio. It’s Chicago’s Lori Lightfoot. Despite threatening new lockdowns, she’s the mayor who always looks like she just walked in on a naked Jerry Nadler. It’s like she just saw something that she can’t ever unsee. But if anybody should be hiding their face, it’s her given what she’s done to Chicago. But I hope she enjoyed the music. If anything, it drowns out the gunfire.

The Times are different. Right now we have health experts sending more mixed messages than an MRI of the president’s brain. And the orders are violated by our leaders as quickly as they’re given.

Yesterday, censorship becomes tomorrow’s fact, which I’m good with. I love seeing hypocrites in action. But what you’re truly seeing is a division between the power and the powerless, as well as a new fake justice masquerading as action.

It used to be that laws were for everyone didn’t matter who you are. Not so now, we now have laws and restrictions for the law abiding only. And then no laws at all for those who don’t. You can be mandated to do this and do that. But no such efforts are directed at the shoplifters, the looters, the homeless encampments populated in the cities.

So, when there’s a dramatic surge in crime, the instinct is not to go after the criminal but to create more restrictions for people who already follow them.

Imagine a fire alarm when pooled sends the trucks to places that aren’t on fire. That is the new strategy here. It’s why now with COVID, the powerful make sweeping judgments about Americans who might have good bad or even insane reasons not to be vaccinated or to wear a mask, they mock them, call them stupid call them killers. But they wouldn’t dare stand in the way of a man walking out of a Walgreens with enough product to keep Jesse Watters’ err standing on end for eternity.

They wouldn’t dare try to get the transients off the street or they’re harassing panhandlers overwhelming the subways. That would take guts. So instead they call you names that they throw a party.

It’s the Gutfeld golden rule. One enters politics to become immune to the laws one creates for others. But I say if Obama can party, so can we. It’s time to be inspired by him and get back to what Americans do best, which is doing whatever the hell you want. And then later if your cat waking up in your neighbor’s tool shed.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. We now got more cats than an unmarried white woman. Culture writer and novelist, Kat Rosenfield.

He gets this wardrobe from the dumpster outside a funeral home. Fox News Radio host Jimmy Failla.

She knows how to light up a room like when she sets an ex’s home on fire. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.

And you know he’s close when your dishes start vibrating. My massive sidekick and host of “NUFF SAID” on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

Jimmy you appear to be splattered in COVID. It seriously looks like a virus vomited on you. What do you — where do you stand on the — I’m going to you first for that reason?

JIMMY FAILLA, FOX NEWS RADIO HOST (on camera): Yes.

GUTFELD: Because again you are dressed atrociously.

FAILLA: Well, I was going to say shame on you and Tyrus. You’re supposed to be my friends. I look like a couch that should be covered in plastic.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Like you should have told me this before I walked out of the Florida home wearing a living room furniture.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Whoever died in that, I don’t know what they died from but —

FAILLA: Embarrassment.

TYRUS: Over 80s exposure.

GUTFELD: Yes. So where do you — what do you stand on the — it’s — the hypocrisy accusation is so obvious. Is there something more to it than that?

FAILLA: Well, I do laugh at the idea that they’re going to have a COVID coordinator as what they’re calling it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Which is a really fancy way of saying someone who walks around and tells you not to put anything on social media because that’s all that means. They’re not coordinating like —

GUTFELD: That’s a good point.

FAILLA: Like that on its face is absurd. You know, to the point of Obama thrown the party, the nice thing is if you do get sick of the party, and you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. Which is good.

GUTFELD: Oh. A throwback.

FAILLA: Yes, there you go. Old school. But did you notice, by the way, that this particular house has a private runway, which means on top of all the other hypocrisy, nobody’s flying commercially (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: No.

FAILLA: Nobody’s worried about reducing their carbon footprint. And that’s the fraud of the whole thing. It goes past COVID. When you talk about Muriel Bowser and the mask thing, that’s obviously absurd.

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: Like when she says we’re all in this together, she means the cocktail hour.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: We’re all in this together. It takes forever to get a drink. This sucks.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

FAILLA: But that’s like the reality of who these people are. The reason we don’t take any public health initiatives seriously, is the people passing them don’t take them serious.

GUTFELD: Right, exactly.

FAILLA: So, how are you supposed to take any of it seriously? You know, to the Lori Lightfoot point, though, I will say when it comes to Lollapalooza, COVID is not in the top 20 things to catch at Lollapalooza. Like, COVID if they tell you, you caught COVID at Lollapalooza, you’re like, oh, thank God, you know.

GUTFELD: I — before I go to the new Kat, not the old Kat, but the new Kat. I would say that Lollapalooza is — that age group now, those people are in their 50s. So, the only disease they’re spreading is maybe, I don’t know, arthritis.

(CROSSTALK)

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: — arthritis misinformation.

GUTFELD: I know. I am the king of arthritis information.

Kat, welcome to the show.

KAT ROSENFIELD, CULTURE WRITER AND NOVELIST: Thank you.

GUTFELD: OK. I don’t have a problem with the party. But doesn’t President Obama, he has enough love, does he really needs to throw a party for himself?

ROSENFIELD: No, no, no, I think he deserves to be happy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ROSENFIELD: You know, to have a good time. I feel like, you know, but I mean, haven’t we all learned that at this point?

GUTFELD: Yes.

ROSENFIELD: The thing that kind of fascinates me is that the way that all of this stuff is getting talked about and even like the COVID mitigation measures the way that those are being talked about. It’s sort of like people are feeling this delusion that we have a lot more control over our own mortality than we actually do as if like, if you catch this virus and you get sick, it’s not because the virus did what it’s evolved over the course of millennia to do. It’s because you just didn’t try hard enough.

GUTFELD: Right.

ROSENFIELD: Didn’t care enough.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. That’s a good point. It’s a good point. That’s why, like, I think these days, Kat we can’t understand costs and benefits are the risks of our lives.

ROSENFIELD: Right.

GUTFELD: So we need to stamp out everything, which we know is impossible clearly.

TIMPF: Yes, it’s impossible. We’re all going to die. Some of us faster than others.

GUTFELD: Yes. I had my money on you before me.

TIMPF: Oh, you know, it could happen.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Which is kind of the point and I completely agree with you. I just think it, you know, it’s really a window into why they have this attitude, these politicians who put these rules in place, and like — just like the just in front of stay home. It’s not stay home. It’s just stay home.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like it’s no big deal. Because they can just kind of put these things in place, depending on what works for their own social schedule.

GUTFELD: It’s not that hard to do, Kat. It’s not that hard. We were saying that on “THE FIVE” while we were still working.

TIMPF: Right.

GUTFELD: Oh, just stay home another day. But I’m doing the show from home.

TIMPF: I wouldn’t care because I’ve still gotten to work this entire time. Oh, just stay home. I think your livelihood your life. No big deal.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: It’s so funny.

TIMPF: Yes.

FAILLA: That’s a brilliant point. Because, you know, when you talk about accommodating their social schedule, Muriel Bowser put this mandate into effect for 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning.

GUTFELD: After the wedding.

TIMPF: After the wedding she was —

(CROSSTALK)

FAILLA: But I love how they set this up like COVID is arriving by the ways app and it has a set ETA.

TIMPF: Yes.

FAILLA: Not that says I’ll be there at 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning. I just got to get off of the left here.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Tyrus? I got kind of your — the gist from your angry blackmail.

TYRUS: Yes. I mean, I’m all for the party. I’m excited. I got invited. But when did — I mean, every time I get on my 7-year-old or my nine year olds to stay in school. I can’t do it anymore, because they already figured it out. They’d be like, dad, politicians argue the same way we do. Tommy’s having a party. Why can I? Like literally, that’s what we’ve turned into. That’s the news. Now, guess what the other side did today? They had fun.

GUTFELD: Everyone goes. Oh, yes, you guys had fun three months ago, like dad, seriously what we’re dealing with now. Instead of giving us information about COVID, we’re getting Barack Obama’s throwing a party. President Trump did a rally, thousands of people showed up. They were excited and happy. They did it on purpose. Like what are we doing?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Just tell the news like relax.

GUTFELD: It’s called filmed content.

FAILLA: What he — what he’s saying is the only person we should be mad at is Fauci because he’s the worst. And we just agree.

GUTFELD: That’s what he said.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: I’m just saying like –we just need more adults in the room. It doesn’t — party shouldn’t matter. Rally shouldn’t matter. It’s a variant. Give us the information. We’ll take it from there.

GUTFELD: All right. We got to move on. We’ve got some great topics. Up next. Do Disney Princess tropes dash your kids hopes?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Will your daughter let you down if she wears a shiny crown? A new study finds that Disney Princess culture is in toxic as professors who make up problems for a living would have you believe. Turns out that exposure to cartoon princesses of which I’m one, from Cinderella to Ariel to Moana have a positive effect on kids. Now this debate that Disney Princesses are a problem has been going on for a while now since that epidemic of damsels who refuse to take the stairs.

Yes, that’s silence Even — there’s even multiple books dedicated to the subject with titles like Cinderella Ate my Daughter and the Princess Problem. Were surprised there’s no book called Princess Pool. I almost got it grown. But this latest study finds that kids who were into princesses at age five were more likely at age 10 to hold healthier views about gender roles. And that’s important.

Said the study’s author, “You’d expect a girl who said her favorite princess was Mulan to be less gender stereotyped than one whose favorite was Cinderella, but we didn’t find that.” So, that’s the big news. As for now, the only person destroying the influence of princesses is Meghan Markle.

But what happened — but what happens when these little girls grow up? Maybe the princess influences last longer than we think.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Morning, everyone. Before we get started, I’d like to get an update on —

TIMPF: Oh, oh, has anyone else been having problems with the servants in the break room? I mean, I keep asking for Java, but I’m getting nada.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Well, we have noticed you talking to the coffee pod.

TIMF: Yes.

TIMPF: But you see I have to put the water in and then turn it on yourself. So, I’d like to talk about the fourth quarter numbers that we got from the marketing.

TIMPF: Oh. One word for you. Dwarves. OK? I know these seven guys, they are the best in the business. OK. One of them kind of nods off a lot, but the whistling —

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Damn it, Susan, can we please just get through one meeting without all the princessy stuff? OK? You’re not even a real princess.

TIMPF: Oh, yes. Well, then why are my stepsisters so ugly? I’m the fairest. I’m the fairest. Right?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Back to the marketing team.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, guys. Sorry, I’m late. I was making out with the frog.

JOE MACHI, STAND-UP COMEDIAN: Traffic.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I don’t even know if that was the best way to end that skit. Or the only way to end that skit.

TIMPF: We have the lion costume already.

GUTFELD: Yes (INAUDIBLE) had to work it in somewhere. So Kat, were you influenced by Disney Princesses negatively or positively?

TIMPF: I don’t think they influenced me at all. I think that this study, you know, it’s really crazy that it turns out kids even if they’re girl kids are able to watch a cartoon and not have it, you know, be what they aspire to their entire life or even realize or think that it’s real.

Talking about how you know it can make them feel bad about themselves growing up, like in what way of all the things that made me feel bad or damaged my self-esteem as a child, a cartoon isn’t even on the list.

GUTFELD: Yes. What was on the list?

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Oh, Kat, you know, her handwriting is (INAUDIBLE) a messy. She writes like a boy. A teacher told me that. That wasn’t — that was unhealthy gender stuff. And that was a real lady.

TIMPF: Somebody tells me if you were born now you would be — you would be a candidate for something.

TIMPF: Ah, what’s the statute of limitations?

GUTFELD: All right, Kat, new Kat. What do you — what do you make of research like this? Like, why are they doing this? What is the engine behind this idea?

ROSENFIELD: I think they’d love to find out that it kind of confirms all their priors. But, you know, I got to disagree with Kat. I was really, really misled by Disney princess films into believing that I was going to have like a very different relationship with wild animals than is acceptable or appropriate or even like possible for a human being.

And, you know, this is how I tried to befriend a rabid raccoon that crawled out of the woods near my house and said that watching it get shot by animal control.

GUTFELD: Do you know that that’s true? What you’re — I mean, it is true. The kids get like the most misguided advice about animal relationships.

ROSENFIELD: Yes, you walk out your door, you’re like, I’m going to go in the woods and they’re going to be 15 wild animals there that want to be my friends and listen to my problem.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: And that’s the problem with doing mushrooms.

TIMPF: Or the solutions.

GUTFELD: Yes. Depending on what direction and coming from? All right, you have — how many teenage girls — how many girls do you have, Tyrus?

TYRUS: What are we talking? How many princesses I’ve dated?

GUTFELD: Yes. No, no, no, no, no.

TIMPF: Oh, the list goes on and one.

GUTFELD: You have two girls, right?

TYRUS: Yes, I have three.

GUTFELD: Three, OK.

TYRUS: Listen, I think when I was a kid, we used to watch a rabbit outsmart a hunter. And when things got iffy stuck down in my down his back and told him it was the present. And he always open the present and his face blew up.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Me and my brother aren’t terrorists today. And I don’t understand why they didn’t happen. All the blueprints were there for a whole generation of dynamite stick throwing gravity defying men kissing rabbits, but it just didn’t quite go that way. Because we figured out real quick it was a cartoon. And it wasn’t real. Just like that first time you decide to go find Bambi in the forest and the first squirrel you see and you go, you know what? Ah, this is real.

I’m walking away. So, life, real life will let you know the difference between art and cartoons and the fact that we have so-called experts who have to look into that —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: — further lets me know that the term expert is being used way too loosely now. Where there was a meeting like this, what do we got? Well, we got to cure cancer. We got to figure out what’s going on with the polar caps.

And my 25-year-old daughter still thinks that she’s going to be Cinderella. So what do we want to focus on? Well, we got the budget for Cinderella. Let’s do it.

GUTFELD: That’s true. Have you ever had like a wild animal in your house? Like by accident? That totally like negates any kind of —

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Yes. I got ducks right now. I had three — no, seriously, I had three Mallard ducks with no mom who showed up and they’re getting ready to fly. But I mean, they’re — I mean, they’re — the mother of the wild animal you want, but they still have wild moments.

GUTFELD: I had a squirrel. I had a squirrel in my apartment and that was terrifying. Just couldn’t — even just running around my apartment.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Wouldn’t respect the safe word, right?

GUTFELD: No. Exactly.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The leather, trying to get those leather chaps on him. Jimmy, what’s up?

FAILLA: Hey man, good to see you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: I mean, first of all, to this study, we don’t have a cartoon problem. We have a parent problem.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: And they come up with studies like this to pass the responsibility on to people other than whose responsibility it is, which is the parents. Like what I didn’t appreciate is they were trying to demonize the Little Mermaid.

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: Like all the Little Mermaid. The message of a little mermaid is not about like delusions of royalty. It’s don’t trust women. Ursula stole her voice if you remember that, and they don’t tell you that it turned out to be the happiest marriage ever. Because there was just a woman with no voice —

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: We don’t know that.

FAILLA: You don’t know that i worked out that way?

GUTFELD: I went to you for that?

FAILLA: No, I had something to say. All I was going to say is like, seriously shame on these people. Because this is not a real problem affecting kids.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Like we have a childhood obesity epidemic right now that like we are plagued with a nation of seven-year-old man boobs running around. The problem is not so Snow White. It’s white chocolate.

TIMPF: I am sick of being jealous of 7-year-old boys boobs.

GUTFELD: Well, I think it cleaned up nice. All right. Up next. They use the law to punish a child while homeless camps are running wild.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: They told the little kid to Skadoodle, but are fine with the homeless guy’s noodle. Yes, the lemonade stand was given the boot while a homeless man strolls in his birthday suit. Last week, a park ranger shut down Elsa Lamaine’s lemonade in flower stand. Lemonade and flowers. In Everett, Washington. Just outside of Seattle, citing a rule that bans selling products on public property. What a monster?

Why couldn’t you take a bus into Seattle and firebomb Starbucks like a normal child? Elsa, who’s 7, had been selling lemonade since she was four, meaning she’s had a real job for three more years than Joe Biden. Red meat. And also, she donates the profits to charity. Again, what a monster.

Neighbors are upset because nothing’s been done to address near-by homeless camps despite several complaints. And let’s face it, the homeless lemonade sucks. To further prove the point, why a little Elsa and grandpa, grandma we’re giving an interview to the local news a naked man walked out of the woods and into the park.

And no, I wasn’t shooting a movie that day. But seriously, that really happened. I guess, we could show tape that. The mayor of Everett is now responding, saying in part: “This shouldn’t have occurred. Elsa is welcome to my office anytime and invite her to become an honorary park ranger.” What? Was that easy?

But it’s like my late Uncle Roland used to say, capitalism solves what socialism destroys. He also slept with a store mannequin for 10 years. But we don’t talk about that. Kat — Kat Rosenfeld? I’m sorry, not you, Kat. This Kat. Boy, this is really becoming an anxiety for me. The two Kats. Is this about misplaced priorities or fear? Like, it’s like the fact that like politicians can go after the easy stuff, but won’t touch the stuff that’s like the third rail.

KAT ROSENFIELD, CULTURE WRITER: Yes, I mean, what’s easier than like a 7- year-old child? But I don’t know what to think about the fact that they were like, oh, we shut you down your consolation prize is that you can be a cop.

GUTFELD: I don’t know. I would like — it would be worth it, worth it to be an honorary park ranger. That’s I mean, you must get at least a little badge and a hat.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: What happened to you? But everybody wanted to be a park ranger, it was from watching you — it’s from watching Yogi Bear. That’s right, right?

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, it’s Smokey Bear. He was cool.

GUTFELD: Smokey Bear.

TYRUS: Ranger Park Ranger looked horrible in Yogi Bear, he got tricked all the time, even by stuff that anyone could figure out. That was like he is the poster child for what not to be a ranger. The fact that this, this is politicians in a nutshell, they just don’t get it.

She didn’t want to be an honorary park ranger. Or she would have been dressed like a ranger on the side telling you, hey, only you can prevent forest fires ladies and gentlemen.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And only you should be wearing pants sir, but she didn’t do that. What would have been nice is give her an honorary business license, so she can sell her lemonade. And her $5.00 flowers and her $1.00 treats, and I think it was veggies.

GUTFELD: Veggies. Yes, veggies.

TYRUS: $3.00, she already gets it. She overcharges for the healthy and under charges for the cheap. This kid gets it. But that’s the difference between woke politicians. We’re not going to solve the actual problem but here’s we’re going to do, we’re going to give you a job that you probably don’t even know about, park ranger. Here’s a hat and the thing and but don’t go in the forest because people naked man that’ll eat you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, I mean —

JIMMY FAILLA, COMEDIAN: It’s a good point by the way.

TIMPF: Yes, they’re sending her to the park where the naked guy is, like?

TYRUS: Dressed like a park ranger. She’s now bait.

GUTFELD: That is such a good point. They didn’t read the room. Don’t send her to the park. Every — I’m sure you had a lemonade stand.

FAILLA: Well, yes, I was going to say —

GUTFELD: Because you’ve never really had a real job.

FAILLA: Never ever. This is — I was going to say this, there is, you know, from a health standpoint, if you’ve seen the way little kids make lemonade, it’s probably better for you than the fentanyl at the junkie camp.

GUTFELD: They pour so much sugar.

FAILLA: Yes, the amount of sugar that’s going in there, that’s why I’m not, I’m not buying this. Like, I reject the fact that they gave the kid a second job, like she doesn’t deserve to be working a double on her Saturday, you know what I mean? But I’m not buying that, they might not have just shut her down for the good of the community because if you’ve ever seen the the lacks health practices at these kids lemonade stands they washing their hands in the punch.

GUTFELD: That’s a great, that’s a great —

TYRUS: It’s called stirring. And children stir.

GUTFELD: And you know, Kat, that’s like one of those local news, hard hitting reports. What you don’t know about lemonade stand? Hi, I’m Consumer Reporter Vicky Schneckinmocker.

TIMPF: Well, Vicky. Yes —

GUTFELD: Winner of four local Emmy’s.

TIMPF: Because every year, we hear about the kids lemonade stands being shut down but we really don’t hear any stories of why. It’s like there were kids out there like spike in them with arsenic. People are just dying. It was like, you know, Jonestown 2.0 every year then I would say yes, send the cops after these kids, but we don’t have those stories.

GUTFELD: We don’t have those stories.

TIMPF: We don’t.

GUTFELD: But why do you want them, Kat? That’s disgusting.

TIMPF: I don’t want them. I don’t want mass murder.

FAILLA: I’m not afraid to stand up to big lemonade.

TYRUS: Some criminal empire. We have the mafia and 7-year-old’s lemonade stand.

FAILLA: That’s actually a big deal.

GUTFELD: That’s actually a great idea for a movie or a Netflix show because you could just have one at any minute. Somebody selling drugs from the lemonade stand. From this brain, to you.

TIMPF: It’s where the real money is kids.

GUTFELD: That’s where the real money. All right up next, biological sex stirs debates, and there are two genders or more, maybe eight?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Should your birth ID deny reality? Leave it to, leave it to the woke to wreck the definition of sex. The American Medical Association Board of Trustees or AMABT is pushing for an end to designating sex on birth certificates. A new resolution distinguishes between the certificate of live birth which gathers info for government statistics and a birth certificate which proves you actually been born and that you’re not faking your human like Adam Schiff.

Today, 48 states D.C. allow people to change sex on their birth certificates in 10 states allow for a gender neutral designation, which recognizes gender fluidity and horrible shotgun accidents like the one Jimmy add. If you’re confused, you’re not alone. Harvard lecturer, Carol Hooven, sparked an online Firestorm by stating biological sex is real and defending terms like pregnant women and male and female. The even nuttier part, the blowback came from her medical colleagues who called her comments false hateful, transphobic, probably racist and fat phobic too, just out of habit.

So, is there a difference between biological sex which has clear physical markers and gender which activists say it’s a social construct? If you want a clear answer, don’t as academics, they change their answers like RuPaul changes wigs. Kat, has the medical — Kat, new Kats, has the medical community and community lost their minds or their or their spines? I can’t figure it out.

ROSENFIELD: I think they’re just trying to follow the trend.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ROSENFIELD: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ROSENFIELD: I mean, just play devil’s advocate here. Like, you don’t put the sex on the birth certificate. Is it really a mystery? Do you need it on there? Who’s looking at that to find out?

GUTFELD: I don’t know. That’s a good question. Maybe? I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor or a pediatrician. Although, I have played one on the Internet. Giving out some terrible advice.

TYRUS: Yes, you did.

GUTFELD: Tyrus.

TYRUS: Never do that again.

GUTFELD: What are you — are you worried about this?

TYRUS: You know, I got to be honest. But I’m getting to that point in my life where the alpha male is like, old and you know, he’s, he’s still willing. You know, he wants to get out the barn and run with the other horses, but he just can’t anymore. So, it’s getting to that point where I got to walk him out one day for the one walk. Well, we both go out to the woods, but only one of us is coming back walking, you know?

And we got to load the rifle and be like, yes, yes, you still got it, man. Yes, you can still. Yes. All right. Oh, look at the candy. Like you just, I’m glad that things like sex and stuff are the furthest thing from my mind now. I’m embracing putting the gorilla down. And just letting him die off in space. I don’t want the pills. I don’t think the hair transplant or the Corvette. And the fact that it’s becoming up to eight now, I couldn’t handle when there was just one. So, I’m retired. I’m out the game. My answer is I don’t care.

GUTFELD: There you go. Jimmy?

FAILLA: Listen, I do think it’s a terrifying sign that the science people are ignoring science. You dig? Because this becomes a trend where I’m hoping we’ll all benefit is this will lead to the end of gender reveal parties. If that’s the case, nobody — anyone watching at home — nobody wants to go to your gender reveal part.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

FAILLA: I would love to go to a report card reveal party, you know what I mean? Three Ds and an F, it’s a stripper. You know what I mean, like something fun like that.

GUTFELD: That’s a great idea.

FAILLA: And it’s going to annihilate. This is where I am selfishly invested in the story. It’s going to annihilate pop culture. You know what I mean? Do you want to go see (INAUDIBLE) sing them eater? You know what I mean? That’s terrible. Julia Roberts and Richard Geere starring “Pretty Person,” like that’s the part I’m annoyed at. And the fact that they’re abandoning the science is a bad sign because where will this lead when you think of how she was like trashing anybody who didn’t agree with it?

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: It’s pretty some like fattening food, you won’t call it fattening because that’ll be considered shaming the people who eat it.

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: And we’re going to get ourselves killed. That’s the one problem with body positivity is if you are 900 pounds, yes, we call you brave on the Internet, but you died 20 years younger than we do.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. You know, Kat, I think that the only thing driving this obviously, to Jimmy’s point isn’t science, but it’s fear. It’s fear of being attacked by overzealous, like five activists on Twitter and they’re – – that, they built up this phantom that they see in their heads. Oh my God, we can’t say mom. Yes, if we’re no more mom and now it’s pregnant people. I can’t get pregnant even if I transition, I still can’t get pregnant.

TIMPF: Well, like, no matter what your gender identity is, I will call you by whatever pronouns you want, that’s all fine. There are still, of course, going to be times where the sex that you were born as biologically is going to be relevant like when it comes to you know, medical stuff and that kind of thing. However, I got to say, you know, not having to report your baby’s genitals to the government as soon as they’re born, maybe not the worst thing.

GUTFELD: I don’t know. All I know is I’m looking forward to the uterine, uterus transplants.

FAILLA: Yes.

GUTFELD: That way, finally, I can get pregnant.

TYRUS: OK. I’m telling you right now, it’s not happening. The last thing we want to do is carry it around.

GUTFELD: Is that the next step?

TYRUS: No.

GUTFELD: Is that the next step?

TYRUS: There’ll be no children if it’s up to us. We can’t handle a leg cramp. How are we going to handle that?

GUTFELD: That is true. All right. Well, that was disgusting. Up next, if you had your druthers, would you text a former lover?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Tell your lover you care, but always have a spare. A study out of the University of Oklahoma, good for them, home of the fighting fruit bats, found that backburner relationships arising during the pandemic. Isn’t everything rising or declining? Almost everyone surveyed said their current relationships were supposed to be exclusive. But 62 percent admitted to keeping someone on the backburner, just in case something bad happens.

We call that the Jeffrey Dahrmer. So, it’s like their current partner finds out they’ve been chatting with an ex. So, that’s why they changed their mind. See, it’s a recursive loop. That said, they were still chatting up their exes, which puts them in a bad mood, even if they didn’t hook up again.

And unrelated news, Kat was seen outside the University of Oklahoma this weekend screaming, did my husband take this survey? What did he say? I will kill him in his sleep. Which by the way is the best time to kill someone according to Stuart Varney. I don’t know why I said Stuart Varney. I liked it. Jimmy, does your wife let you have phone privileges?

FAILLA: Jenny Failla is actually she’s not bad. But I want to say this. I don’t even believe this is a real study.

GUTFELD: Me neither.

FAILLA: I believe some scientists got caught hooking up in the lab.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: They got to study. You don’t understand. You make out with the ex. I do think there’s value in staying in contact with exes because they often remind you that you made the right choice. Anyone who’s ever been in an on again off again relationship, you get back together every six months just to remind yourselves of why you keep breaking up?

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: And so, there is value in having the ex around, at least that’s what my wife said after I read her phone. I don’t know.

GUTFELD: But, Kat, one, Timpf, it’s never, almost never a two-way street, right? There’s somebody who’s the back burner, and somebody who’s the back burnee?

TIMPF: Oh, well, yes.

GUTFELD: Nobody is back burning each other. Two people go back burn each other.

TIMPF: Right. And then the other person will get upset and then send it — you look, this is this is why you just don’t stop texting your partner, right? Like, I text my husband so much. I don’t even know he has time for a job. So, like, he certainly doesn’t have time to text anyone else, right?

TYRUS: I can answer for him. Right.

TIMPF: Right?

TYRUS: Right.

GUTFELD: Yes, poor guy.

TIMPF: No, lucky man. He’s the luckiest man in the whole world because he’s married to me.

GUTFELD: That’s — yes, there you go.

TIMPF: Not any other reason.

GUTFELD: Yes, Kat Rosenfield. See, I got it now. Finally, last block. Do you buy this research?

ROSENFIELD: I don’t know. I kind of like his theory. But it just sounds exhausting. Also, I mean, my recurring nightmare is that I’ve gotten back together with my ex-boyfriend who I dated before my husband and I always wake up like why? And then I’m like, thank god it wasn’t real. So —

GUTFELD: I have had those. That’s actually — those are good, like nightmares to have. Because they’re basically telling you, you did the right thing. Yes, that’s a really good. That’s very healthy, Tyrus.

TYRUS: Yes, Greg.

GUTFELD: So, anyway, from your experience, what kind of answer would you like to give?

TYRUS: I have a prepared statement — there is no reason to ever speak to an ex. What’s in the past is in the past. You never look back.

TIMPF: I still talk to my cat’s dad when we got a co-parent.

TYRUS: No, but you can’t talk to — you can’t talk to exes. You can’t talk to anything. You’re a guy. You’re just not allowed to. Your woman can all day. Because they can put people on friend rows and stuff like that. That’s where we talk about gender issues is a big gender problem for guys. We don’t know how to put people in front row. They end up on deck. You know what I’m saying? So, and that and that doesn’t work. That does not work. So, my advice to guys, the answer is: no, never, uh-uh, didn’t happen, wouldn’t me if it was me. I’m damn sure it wasn’t me.

GUTFELD: You know —

TYRUS: Please believe me. It wasn’t me.

GUTFELD: But it’s such a good point. Because the ex it’s always, it’s the female that often instigates this thing out of the blue and you’re going but she would be mad if somebody did that to here.

TYRUS: But women never get blamed for it. We get blamed for it. Your woman cheats on you it’s because you weren’t there for her. You may feel ugly, so Trent the trainer made her feel beautiful again.

GUTFELD: It’s always the trainer.

TYRUS: And then the guy tried sending, well, honey, I didn’t feel beautiful and that’s you were fat when I met you. You know what I’m saying, like, you just oh, they’re laughing. Guys, it hurts, but that’s the truth. It’s always our fault. Same thing in this situation. The answer is just say no, guys, it’s a trap.

FAILLA: That was a hell of a prepared statement.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. I don’t know if that was prepared. I don’t think that was prepared.

ROSENFIELD: Trent is watching right now.

GUTFELD: Anyway, all right. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Before we go, let’s do this.

ANNOUNCER: “GREG SEES THE STARS.”

GUTFELD: Yes, you know being world famous. It’s hard for me to have just a few friends over because a lot of them are celebrities and I have a pool and I’d like to come over but you wouldn’t believe who stopped by crashed my party. No invite. Ryan Gosling. Here he is just hanging out. You know, just it’s just kind of weird. Like he immediately hits on the women.

And it’s like he just like gloms onto them and it’s really kind of uncomfortable because he’s nude. And the woman just has to sit there and deal with you know, his, his hairy parts. It’s absolutely disgusting. Holding that like it. But Gosling doesn’t care, even in this era of Me Too. He’s just out there hanging out. Look at him — I had to clean the pool. Stuff he did in there was disgusting.

I’m out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Kat Rosenfield, Jimmy Failla, Kat, Tyrus, studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you America.

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